People of my thoughts

John Bowman

Javier (what the hell is his last name)

Gina Bishop.  (damn she’s fine.  Gorgeous AND sexy, the combination that i thought never existed)  when i like myself, she’ll like myself.


Neil Parihk.  He pulled off that charisma that i thought he never had, he did what i never could.  for now.


am i lazy?

it would be so easy to call myself lazy and be done with it. but those who are lazy have work to do that they don’t want to do, i have work that i absolutely want to do, with every fiber of my being, so many things i want to do to change, so many thoughts vibrating and resounding me to do so, and yet, things keep me in check. My desire to be self-less probably stems from Jesus Christ, creating the persona of the Giver and never the Taker, removing all but that which does me harm from my life. I suppose if i were to start to eradicate this mess, i would first eliminate the thought that being selfish is bad. after that i would start paving the road to balancing the two, and doing things that bring me selfish joy, instead of selfless joy.

Story so far…

Right, so as of now, i think i know myself very well. I am a very self-destructive person, giving me my selfless persona and reaffirming my inability to be good to myself, only to others. That selflessness is praised by some, and i am considered Good, me being good is, again, warped by my self-destructive thoughts to make me feel guilt for being good, because i might be arrogant and see myself as better than those who are not quite as righteous. Guilt for Righteousness.