it would be so easy to call myself lazy and be done with it. but those who are lazy have work to do that they don’t want to do, i have work that i absolutely want to do, with every fiber of my being, so many things i want to do to change, so many thoughts vibrating and resounding me to do so, and yet, things keep me in check. My desire to be self-less probably stems from Jesus Christ, creating the persona of the Giver and never the Taker, removing all but that which does me harm from my life. I suppose if i were to start to eradicate this mess, i would first eliminate the thought that being selfish is bad. after that i would start paving the road to balancing the two, and doing things that bring me selfish joy, instead of selfless joy.