So on Saturday, I played music with Audrey. It was so surreal, I was sitting in the chair, dumbfounded at the brilliance and beauty in which she played. AND sang. It was like, at that moment, I think i finally love her. She said I was the only one she’s ever played for, which makes me feel special. But when I dont see what she sees in me. What makes me so special that she would play for only me? Was it just a good opportunity? Am I thinking too little of myself? What will become of us now? I like Gina because she represents the impossible Chase, the adventure and Indulgence that i have never allowed myself to experience, I love Audrey because she represents my desires unfolding in a way which seems too easy, too unearned, so altogether too unbelievable to be true. I enjoyed every second of that night. Her smile, her voice, her sound. I am going to learn how to play the guitar, and follow up on that Duet she mentioned. First comes Guitar. Then comes Piano. Then a Voice to be proud of. It got me thinking about how inadequate I seem in her presence. I will hone and build up my skills so that I can be comfortable in my own skin, Happy with who I am to the point where I can finally believe that I Deserve to be Happy.
I suppose if you’re talking Skills, there are a great deal of things I want to accomplish. Particularly, to build myself a HardBody. I consider myself to be very Intuitional, and as such I avoid talking to express thoughts and ideas. So to be able to create a way to convey Meaning, Determination, and exude confidence without saying a word is really starting to make me feel excited. Now granted, it won’t be easy. It seems like an impossible task at the moment, what with my hectic schedule filled with worrying about my ReportCard and Snatching and throwing it away. And SAT’s coming up that I feel that i should study for, even though I feel that it is unnecessary, I and a great number of people who signed up for the Bartlebey Project; a Convention of the Choice to forgo taking Unnecessary Standardized Testing which doesn’t Teach Shit. so.. CCUSTTS. rofl. I suppose what I would want to reaffirm that i am on the right track is a Job, but something like that isn’t too high on my list of priorties.
That’s all for now, I’ll try to start and be more indepth with some Personal Perception Profiles of those closest to me over the next few days.