What if My Belief in Good needs to be Shattered?

I always preach that people should suspend belief so that they may see all the wonder that they may be blinded to. I never thought about my own beliefs, and suspending them. Good is not Good, Good is not required, Good is not the best, Good is not necessary, these are all things i need to .. touch upon. Simply so that i may .. have a more rounded view of life. people always say, it’s not the Cards you were dealt, it’s how you play the hand. Most people play to Win. I play to make sure everyone has fun. I won’t be the shining example to follow, but i’ll be there at the top.



another old, posting for archive puropses. i wrote a small song while in the car

You leave this earth as when you start
naked and pure of heart
free of desire to trouble you
until the day you say you say i love you

You get attached too close too hurt
leaving you in on high alert
afraid of being hurt again
you want this sad story to end
Unless you’ve lived apart from doubt
free of hisitation of a clouds

I want to say, my heart remains
and that nothing you say, will change my ways.
Only the death in life, can come between us now
and even then, we’ll see each other again.

One day the truth will out
You’ll see what i’m all about
I want to grow old with you
And have you stay and be my muse

I write this song, to let out the truth
Breaking down, my childhood, my youth
Time to grow up, do adult things
and fly with you, with this wings.

Fresh lives abound, out hearts are sound
our children cry, we can’t say goodbye.
School starts, bullys leave their mark
We intervene, and start a scene

But that is our life now, as mom and dad.
We are so proud and yet so sad.

You are growing up, like we once were
Our end is near, and your start is here
When the kids are gone, all that’s left
is me and you, Yeah it’s true.
We sing out loud, this is what we’re all about about
True love remains, till death do us part.
I love you, and love me too, Let’s say goodbye, Bid this world Adieu.


Old, posting for archive purposes

In this world, there is no such thing as knowledge. Knowledge is simply the past possibilities made true through the affirmations of one’s thoughts. The rest of the possibilities undiscovered lies for you to choose.
Like watching the rave master ending. We know that the two get married, and thats how it ends. but there’s so much more to be said. The Knowledge of what is true has been set, but the possibilities you imagine lies undiscovered. so no one knows anything, its just what someone chose to be true, what someone chose to be the story.

I talked with God.

It’s been a while, but i sorta had a talk with God. Or i suppose i had a talk with myself. Either way, it was refreshing, i clarified everything in my head in one long rant. In Chinese too =) so it was all.. Lyrical and Succinct, just what you would expect from such a.. Visceral Language. Let’s try to summarize.

First, the reason i was brought back into the fold was because of Lindsay, she told me to “Return to God” and make my peace with him. I decided to .. Have a talk with the one called God.

There are 3 paths that i can take. Path number one is the Path of the Good. To be Good is to sacrifice, to take less for yourself and to Give others more. At the moment i am following this path. I looked in my past for my role models that led up to this decision and Way of Life, and i found it clearly.

It was my Grandpa, my Yeh Yeh, who i truly saw Good in. What had happened was that my Aunt Jessica had bought a new Microwave to replace the old Microwave. My Grandpa was against it. No one understood why, no one saw the truth, except for me. All they heard was him screaming at the top of his lungs in Chinese, asking to give the new microwave to someone who really needs it. Now no one else got it, they just thought he was crazy for not wanting a Good, working microwave, and Free. So i stepped in and attempted to explain.

It was not that it was not a great microwave, it was not that he did not want it, it was that he believed that someone else might need it more. He truly believes that It is okay to have a crappy microwave, it will suffice, and that the better microwave is unnecessary and should be given to someone who needs it.

I hit the nail on the head. My Grandpa lit up with his Genuine smile, and I laughed along with him. Finally, someone who understands perfectly, every bout of pain that arises when having to deal with and scream with people who do not understand. My Grandpa is one of the Good, but here is where the problems come into play. To be good means to want Less for yourself and More for others. In doing so, you make yourself worse off, in Health as well as Wealth. For example, Diet. My grandpa only eats crap that no one else eats, he always sits in his room and waits for everyone to be done before coming out and eating what’s left. Years of this has led to him having health problems. Now we get to the Age portion. Those who are old feel a sense of sacrifice for the Young, even more so if they are Asian. Now the reasoning behind this is that, The old must sacrifice for the Young, so that the Young can make the Old Proud. This is also where the secret of Asian Genius lies, in the Guilt that the Young feel for making the Old Sacrifice, Guilt of the Good spurs Genius into the Asian race for fear of taking their sacrifice in Vain. More on that in a different Post. So my Grandpa is a Smiling, miserable, unhealthy, Good old man, and i see in him what i might become should i continue on this path.

Then there’s path 2. This is the common path, the “easy” path. This is that path of Self-Preservation. Survival of the Fittest. Of Any Means necessary. This is the path of the Evil. Now i say Evil without any malice for the world, it is simply used as an opposite to Good. These are the Success stories. The ruthless Controllers. The Power and Wealth. They go through life while preserving themselves above all else, they look out for themselves and survive by the skin of their teeth. I tried to look for one of these in my Life, and i couldn’t find a truly evil person. I attempted to, i thought that my mom was one of these until that last talk i had with her, and i figured out that all her talk about Looking out for yourself number 1, was simply her exuding her Good and wanting me to follow the path of “Evil,” so that i would be better off and be more materialistically endowed. Which means she is also, albeit just barely, One of the Good. To be “Evil” is to have lots of stuff. Lots of Money, and as such lots of ways to accumulate Health and Wealth. This is the Capitalistic way of life. The Crush every opposition, way of life.

Let’s break it down. We already know that Thoughts Become Things. Good thought brings Good things, and Bad thoughts bring Bad things. Here’s the irony. To be Good means to help those who are less Fortunate, to be Good means to think about Bad, about suffering, about pain that needs to be alleviated by you. To be Good is to bring pain out into your world so that you may consume it and contain it within yourself. The Sacrifice. To be Good is to create Bad. To be Good is to have Less, because you want others to have More.

On the flipside. Thoughts Become Things. Bad thought is to Want more Good things than someone else, to want more things than others. Here’s the irony. Again, i use Bad as an opposite of Good, There is no malice or insinuation of wrongfulness in my saying of the word. To be Bad means to ignore those less fortunate, to Horde fortunes, to take fortunes of others, so that you may have More and make them have Less. Bad people get Good things, because they want themselves to have more Good things than Others.

Then there is the 3rd path. The most difficult path. The path of Steel. The path of Fire. The path that you must not get Burned.
This path means to follow the Path of Good, but to think of some, Basic, Simple Wants, to truly Desire something more, to have to Take from the world so that you may benefit from it above some others. The Seven. This path is to continue to Be Good, continue to help those less fortunate, continue to think about the Bad, continue to think about the Pain, but here’s the change. You must allow yourself to become Steel, to become Immune to the Emotion that might be evoked or invoked in immersing yourself in a desire to alleviate Pain. Now read that carefully. Immune to Emotion. To not let Emotion Cloud the Truth of your own Word. To know yourself so well that nothing can shake it. In basic, crude terms, it is to be Okay with death. Okay with Dying. Okay with Loss. Okay with Pain. To know that, no matter what happens in life, Everything will be Okay. All the pain in the world is not your pain, but another’s. All the suffering in the world is not your doing, but the doings of others. To follow this path is to follow the path of the Observer. To be the person peering through the looking glass and seeing yourself in all your Equal Glory. The Seven. I’ve mentioned them before, but they are my own, simple, Life consuming desires. My own Requirements. My own Ruthless Essence that i choose to Want. They are necessary, because if i continue on a downward Sacrificial Spiral, i might end up like my grandpa. There are some things that i Want. and those things will be all i need.

This is very Freeing, to truly find Balance to life, to truly take only what you truly want, and nothing more. This becomes your blueprint. Your LifeBoard. Your Code. The Seven, is my code. Good talk, God.

74% Mind
10% Body
7% Home
0% Comp
0% Girl
0% Job
0% Comm
Be easy about this, have fun with it!

A Mind free of constraints and devoid of being clouded by emotion

A Body that speaks truth and strength without saying a word.

A place to one day call Home

A Loyal dog, and(or) a Best friend, Companion to live with through life’s eyes.

A Girl to love who loves me back.

A Job too fun to be called Work

A Connection to the World and future, a Computer, Communications.


i think this was from a tv show, but i liked it so much i typed it up.

Take a look at yourself in a mirror. Who do you see looking back?

Is it the person you want to be?

Or is there someone else you meant to be, the person you should’ve been, but fell short of.

Is there someone telling you you can’t, or you won’t? Because you can.

Believe that love is out there.

Believe that dreams come true every day, because they do.

Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money, or fame, or power.

Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family, and from the Quiet Nobility of Leading a Good Life.

Believe that Dreams come true every day. Because they do.

Believe that Dreams come true every day. Because they do.

So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy. Because you deserve to be.

Believe that Dreams come true every day. Because they do.

Edit: i just realized I repeated this 3 times. lol

Wrote this long time ago, Torment

Those who think like me, or rather, those who are tormented with thoughts like me think of absolutely everything. It is these people who are flawed to be broken. Thinking of everything automatically means you think of everyone; every possibility, every aspect. Thinking of everything automatically procures negative thoughts and possibilities. What doesn’t happen too often is thinking of positive thoughts, simply because the world we live in has given us the belief that we are better off than others, so that we should be happy with what we have and not need anything more. The problem with this thought on truly twisted people, such as myself, is that we automatically feel a sense of completeness for seeing every part of a situation, both the good and the bad. We see the world as a balance, and to differ from the rest of the world, do not strive for the advancement of good over evil. It is illogical to do so. I suppose this makes us inhuman, mechanical, seemingly cold.