Ashley.

Gotta go Grandmother’s.  I’ll just leave this here until I get back.

Edit: Back, it went well, but i’m tired, so i’ma go take a rest, then maybe scrim CS

I think I like Ashley.  So what if she doesn’t fit me quite Perfectly.

Edit: 8.14 PM Sunday.  Going to SF for a banquet.  I’ll just write some stuff. (Grandmother’s place hideout)

Senior Picnic Day.

Morning, I found people and learned that I wouldn’t be on the same bus as them, but whatevers, haha.  Then I ran into Ashley, she was listening to Dashboard Confessional, I asked her what her favorite song was, blah blah, i don’t quite remember.  I’m currently looking through every Dashboard Confessional song now.  Then was the waiting in line.  SUCH A LONG WAIT.  Then we got onto the bus, I sat next to Uyanga.  (Hope i spelled that right.)  and we talked, she still said I looked Tibetan, haha.  Apparently it’s my skin tone?  Anyway, we listened to music the whole time there, she likes Techno, then the hour long bus ride ended and we were in SantaCruz!

Wooooo it was hot!  I found some people but then got separated, then went on the LoggerRide with Ophelia and got WET, haha.  Then we tracked em down, they were on the Giant Dipper, Ophelia ran onto the line, but I stayed behind and waited and watched the pictures.  Then we decided to go get some food, afterwards I saw Ashley to my right, and the guys a bit further to the left.  I decided to sit down to her and say hi.  I ate and she did most of the talking, and said that two days ago Stephanie talked about me non-stop.  I wonder about what.  I asked her if that was why she added me on facebook, haha.  Anyway, they all wanted to go on rides, so Ashley took my plate and took my burger away.  =(

ah well, then we went to the spinny hang glide ride, which I didn’t go on because it is circles that I don’t like.  Then Ashley wanted to go Rockclimbing, but she didn’t have the right shoes.  =(  Then came the line at the Ghost Shooter thing, and the pairs were all set up so that I’d sit next to Ashley, but then “Leona came and ruined the order.”  Ashley’s words, haha!  but yeah, I said i’d sit it out, she wound up sitting with Luke, then afterwards we wanted to go on Wipeout cause’ it was hot as hell.  We waited in line then when we were by the corner, we saw that Wipeout HAD NO WATER.  WHAAAT.  We immediately ran out and ran for the logger ride, but Leona vanished and Daniel was holding onto her bag.  We saw Leona across the way, and I said we should throw her bag over to her, over all that water.  ahaha joking, but yeaaaah.

LoggerRide, got soaked again, probably my favorite ride.  Anyway, then came GiantDipper!  DAMN that thing was crazy,Daniel and me were infront, Stephanie and Ashley behind, and it was soooo fun! haha.  I think I finally enjoy roller coasters, before I just liked it cause everyone else did, but that time it was a blast.  Then the pictures were priceless, but the camera wasn’t clear enough, haha.  Then came food, Fries and whatever it was Ashley bought, then came the Ferris wheel.  They went, I stayed behind, mostly cause the pair was already set, and cause’ I was thinking about how the day is over, and this might be the last time I’m in the same place with all these people that I know, and those I only just barely got to know.

I waited for them to be done, then we ran back towards the bus.  Stephanie and the rest took a shortcut, which turned out not to be that short, haha.  Me and Ashley ran down the hill, she was RUNNING DOWNHILL IN FLIPFLOPS!  haha, and then we part ways, I said bye and Nice to meet you, thinking it was the last time i’d see her that day, and then I got onto the bus.

Erica.  Wendroff.  (Hope I spelled that right.)  I sat next to her throughout the rest of the ride.  I fell asleep for about an hour, drifting while listening to music, my head drooping, then I woke, apologized, we talked and summarized, the day and the lives we’ve lived.  I told her about that one day with Ariel, she told me she’d be at BCC with me, though she moved back to Alameda with her family from Berkeley.  I told her about how i’m hoping I get to pull off moving out and moving in with Vedad and CO, and get that job Audrey mentioned for 15 an hour, to pay for the rent, so that I can be away from the family that makes me crazy.  I told her that I felt sad.  It finally hit me, there, on the bus ride back.  I felt sad.  Didn’t cry, =)  but I did feel sad.  Then the happiness rushed over me when we got off that bus, all the smiling faces that I shared that day, that entire experience with.  It was a happy ending.  =)  I walked away contemplating the thoughts and new friends I made.

Then when I came back, I found Ashley and Leona crying on the sidewalk!  Whaat.  Turns out, it hit her too.  Hard.  She was moving away.  They’d be far far apart.  I borrowed the hammer and set it on the floor.  They immediately started hitting each other with it, just like I thought they would.  That, is my lesson in Sadness.  It is a choice.  Almost like a game, or a play, an act that you portray.  After you’re done, you can once again, have some fun.  They cheered up, Ashley asked me if I was having dinner with them, I said yeah, and we walked towards Kamakura’s.  She laughed and looked at me, said that all the times I’ve seen her she’s doing something stupid or weird.  I told her, that is what makes her memorable, interesting, and fun to be around.  =) Do I have a way with words or what.  Though I never got to see her reaction, I shied away like I tend to do, when I find myself feeling praise or happy about myself or the thing I said.  I walked ahead.  Like the stoic Soldier who knows far too much in his head to do battle on the field.  I took the lead, not paying any heed to where I was going, I looked back and saw everyone laughing and smiling, I fell back.

Raymond and Leo wanted to go to Toomie’s, and everyone was about to, but Ashley convinced the rest to go to Kamakura without the two.  I called her Conniving, and that things always work out for her.  =)  Then came the sushi.  I love this place.  The people.  The talking and conversing, me and Ashley talked about 500 days of Summer.  The tea.  The atmosphere.  Expensive, but worth it.  Anyway, I ordered Hamachi and Sake Nigiri.  OH and Ashley eats a LOT.  It’s cause she’s so energetic.  Fast Metabolism, all that, me too.  Anyway, then came the Tea.  The best green tea.  We both love tea.

Edit: I’m about to go out for Tea, Dim Sum, gotta run.  I’ll finish this later.

Back.  Okay.  Back to that one day.

After dinner, the Owner asked us if we were under 21, then everyone but Alan said yes, the rest of us got rice Candy, and he got a shot of Hennessey.  He passed it around, me and Ashely turned it down, then we left for a night on the town.  As we were walking, we passed by a dog and it’s owner.  Leona immediately shouted, “Hey baby!”  and I said ‘The Dog’s cute too.  =)”  The owner got the joke, smiled at me as we walked away, but Leona and Ashley were lost.  I explained that Leona was referring to the dog when she said “Hey Baby,” but my comment of the dog being cute too meant that Leona was referring to the Owner, which made them both laugh when they got the joke.  haha.

Let’s see, what else.. Oh, Banana Smoothie, Leona got one, I took her straw wrapper, made a “flower,” offered it to Ashley, she said it looks nothing like a flower, then she started singing that song.  All American Rejects – I Wanna.  I took a cue from Hitch and said “Wait, who sings that song again?…Oh, maybe you should let Them sing it.”  Yes it was mean, but I explained I was kidding and that it was from a movie.  I did a lot of movie references that day.  Not sure why, though it made me feel obnoxious.  Freedom means i’m free to act like a jerk and a fool if I’m not careful.  Damn.  Anyway, after that we were walking back, I don’t remember much about what was said, Leona left her bike inside the school, as we passed by, Ashley ran to her car and said she was going home cause’ if people want to play Monopoly they’d want to do it at her place.  She went home, and I said goodbye.

Honestly, it felt like she was running away, not even a proper goodbye?  I’d like to say it was because she was getting away from people who wanted to stop her from leaving so that they could play Monopoly, but I could be wrong and I did her wrong, insulted her too much without knowing it.  That’s the problem, when i’m too free with my words, something may come out that is too mean and dishonest in my heart.  That’s the downside then, more options, more observations, more chances to do wrong, as well as to get it right, like Mr. Manno and his Wit.  It’s become apparent to me that we both have .. It.

Then I walked Leona to get her bike, but it was locked.  On the way, she said that Everyone thinks that I like Ashley, because I walked next to her and she said it was cute.  I told her that I just met her.  Then she said that she thinks Ashley likes me too, which really got me confused.  I Just Met Her.  One day?  I get to know this girl for one day, and I find out that she might like me?  and I find myself liking her too?  I mean, are we just so perfect a match?  There are differences, absolutely.  She is to be a Chef, and i’m known for my Philosophy, and Leona said I write very Eloquently.    There is no reason to think that we should Be.  Maybe it’s me?  Being so talkative and so smooth a talker, so chill and so clear, that I can make someone new forgo all fear, and find good favor in the hearts of others?  It’d be arrogant of me to think that of myself, though i’d be dishonest if that didn’t cross my mind.  Then, again, I hate Pride, Glory, honestly, it really bugs me.  Then I’d also feel really bad if she really likes me, then it’s like I led her on.  Though I think she’s fine, she’s strong of mind, and honestly,

Why would she want to start something with a Dork like Me, when she’s about to go to New York City?

Perhaps it’s like Waa says, if she likes me, it’s not something that she does willingly.  It has to take her by surprise, much like it has to me and my eyes.  “It is foolish to look for logic in the chambers of the human heart.”  I suppose I need to stop trying to apply stoic observation and insightful lies.

We stand on the sidewalk for a while, talk and shoot the breeze, then I call my dad and then I’m back at home with ease.

I sleep the night away.  Then day breaks.  On to Saturday.

2:17 PM – Something Wonderful: im a mess.

2:18 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: look who youre talking to

2:18 PM – Something Wonderful: we’re a mess.

2:18 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: there we go

2:18 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: whats up

2:18 PM – Something Wonderful: i was trying to write.

2:18 PM – Something Wonderful: and everything just hit me all at once.

2:19 PM – Something Wonderful: Everyone is graduating.  I’m not.

2:19 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: wtf

2:19 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: whatd you do

2:19 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: or not do

2:19 PM – Something Wonderful: well im down 25 credits, and I tried to get shit done in time, but it seems like i won’t make it.

2:19 PM – Something Wonderful: the damage is done.

2:19 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: wtffff

2:19 PM – Something Wonderful: This is a battle that can no longer be won.

2:20 PM – Something Wonderful: thoughh the war however has just begun.

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: i mean its not the end of the world

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: but wtf

2:20 PM – Something Wonderful: I gotta rewind and try to have fun..

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: lol

2:20 PM – Something Wonderful: yeaaa.

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: how did you not

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: graduate

2:20 PM – Something Wonderful: well my class is graduating on the 11th.

2:20 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: you failed your classes?

2:20 PM – Something Wonderful: I need to ship stuff and get stuff shipped by the 11th, which won’t be happening, there’s no way.

2:21 PM – Something Wonderful: in Sophmore and junior year i failed a few, yeah.

2:21 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: dang

2:21 PM – Something Wonderful: and i’d like to say I know why.. but i’d just be guessing.

2:21 PM – Something Wonderful: like Psychology.

2:21 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: and you just realized this now?

2:21 PM – Something Wonderful: it just hit me that i’m sad at it.

2:21 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: wait so you knew you werent gonna graduate?

2:21 PM – Something Wonderful: i was fine until after SantaCruz.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: i had a hunch, yeah.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: bout 4 weeks ago.

2:22 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: x_x

2:22 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: that wasnt

2:22 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: that long ago

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: yep.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: like i saaid.  i’m a mess.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: i don’t take good care of myself.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: though i’m smart as hell .

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: it’s annoying, OH.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: so thursday.

2:22 PM – Something Wonderful: my teacher called me out on my greatness.

2:23 PM – Something Wonderful: infront of the entire class, he was like, yeah, “andrew’s one of those guys who doesn’t study or do any work, and gets A’s on all the tests.”

2:23 PM – Something Wonderful: He was like “When I ask kids to study so that they’ll do well on the tests, they say to me, well Andrew doesn’t have to.”

2:23 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: bleh

2:24 PM – Something Wonderful: i hate pride.  I hate genius.  I hate greatness.  I hate glory.

2:24 PM – Something Wonderful: and yet, it is given to me, though I hide by not doing anything.

2:24 PM – Something Wonderful: it still doesn’t work.

2:24 PM – Something Wonderful: if anything, it makes it worse.

2:24 PM – Something Wonderful: it seems as if i’m smart without even having to study, but the reason i don’t want to study is because i don’t want to be seen as studious, see.

2:24 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: it does make it worse

2:24 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: i went through that

2:25 PM – Something Wonderful: so people just see me as great without doing the work.

2:25 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: you’re going to a CC right?

2:25 PM – Something Wonderful: it’s the plan, yes.

2:25 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: still the plan

2:25 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: ?

2:25 PM – Something Wonderful: Berkeley City College, living with Vedad and a few others, but i still gotta get my credits down before i qualify.

2:25 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: are you gonna get GED first?

2:26 PM – Something Wonderful: i don’t know.  Is there a different way?

2:26 PM – Something Wonderful: i was hoping to just finish my online courses late.

2:26 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: im not sure how its done.. but a lot of my friends didnt graduate

2:26 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: they still went to get their diploma though

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: a lil late, but they got it

2:27 PM – Something Wonderful: yeah, that’s what i’ma do, i want that diploma, that’s all.

2:27 PM – Something Wonderful: then i can move on and go to BCC.

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: matter of fact melissa did that

2:27 PM – Something Wonderful: =) well it’s not like i can ask her.

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: yeah and then

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: right now

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: have fun

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: really

2:27 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: enjoy it because you dont have much to worry about

2:28 PM – Something Wonderful: yep. that’s what SantaCruz was for.

2:28 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: but make sure you get back on track

2:28 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: because for me i got comfortable with not doing anything

2:28 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: and now im doing kinda bad

2:28 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: just make sure you can get back on track again

2:28 PM – Something Wonderful: I think i’m going to cripple my browser.

2:28 PM – Something Wonderful: i’ll ban Digg and Youtube and Facebook.

2:29 PM – Something Wonderful: and hope that’ll be enough to push me away.

2:29 PM – Something Wonderful: well, when i go to my new place, i won’t even bring my computer with me.

2:29 PM – Something Wonderful: and for you and me to speak, i’ll have to logon some other place.

2:29 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: i cant live without a computer

2:29 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: lmao

2:29 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: here’s an idea 😀

2:29 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: get a crappy computer

2:29 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: lol

2:29 PM – Something Wonderful: lol..

2:30 PM – Something Wonderful: i already have a crappy computer..

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: get a worse one

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: a laptop

2:30 PM – Something Wonderful: i guess i could take out the Videocard that i bought for it..

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: oh

2:30 PM – Something Wonderful: it’s the only thing that lets me play CS just barely.

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: dude

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: perfect

2:30 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: a net book

2:30 PM – Something Wonderful: ooh..

2:30 PM – Something Wonderful: that is perfect..

2:31 PM – Something Wonderful: well right now, i’m all about to go tell my grandmother that she can’t come to my graduation.

2:31 PM – Something Wonderful: i’ll leave around 4.

2:31 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: 😦

2:32 PM – Something Wonderful: =) that’s the thing, my two parents, they may be crazy, but my extended family still care about me.

2:32 PM – Something Wonderful: though, the problem is that it is them that I never see.

2:32 PM – Something Wonderful: I have no lasting connection with those around me.

2:34 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: hmmmmmmmmmm

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: let’s break it to happy for a second.

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: Ashley, the new girl that I see.

2:35 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: uh huh

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: She is a Chef to be.

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: going to NYU.

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: it’s funny, cause she knows alot about me.

2:35 PM – Something Wonderful: from my old friend Stephanie.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: who apparently talks about me.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: She says that I am into Philosophy.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: and I met her randomly, at her workplace.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: she made me some chocolate thing to eat.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: anyway, Yesterday, SantaCruz.

2:36 PM – Something Wonderful: I ran into her, not thinking I would.

2:37 PM – Something Wonderful: and from there, I got to know her.  she’s very happy.  energetic.

2:37 PM – Something Wonderful: Then we were about to be late for the school bus, so we ran back.

2:37 PM – Something Wonderful: we split up, I said goodbye, nice to meet you.

2:37 PM – Something Wonderful: then we waited on separate buses to get back to school.

2:38 PM – Something Wonderful: I got out of the bus, walked away for a while, her bus was late.

2:38 PM – Something Wonderful: then when I came back, she was on the floor crying, with my other friend, Leona.

2:38 PM – Something Wonderful: I did what i do, i played it cool, cheered her up, made her laugh, walked with her as we went out for sushi.

2:39 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: o.o

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: she laughed at how the only times i’ve seen her she’s done something awkward.

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: and I said that makes her memorable, and interesting and fun.

2:39 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: why was she crying

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: OH

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: right

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: ahaha.

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: okay.

2:39 PM – Something Wonderful: So it hit her yesterday, that she was leaving and going away.

2:40 PM – Something Wonderful: to NYU and away from all the friends she’s made.

2:40 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: aw

2:40 PM – Something Wonderful: yepp.

2:40 PM – Something Wonderful: anyway.  sushi.  and a whole lot of talking and flirting and getting to know each other.

2:41 PM – Something Wonderful: then we ordered, drank tea, blah blah blah.

2:41 PM – Something Wonderful: then we left, walked back to school, her car.

2:41 PM – Something Wonderful: she ran away fast, cause everyone wanted to go back to her place to play Monopoly.

2:41 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: lol

2:42 PM – Something Wonderful: yep yep.  Then Leona took me aside, and told me that everyone thinks I like her, and that Ashley likes me.

2:42 PM – Something Wonderful: I, being incredible at plausible lies, said that I just met her and I don’t like her.

2:42 PM – Something Wonderful: which is sorta honest, i suppose.

2:43 PM – Something Wonderful: but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t like her, and wish the love grows.

2:43 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: but you cant

2:43 PM – Something Wonderful: anyway, she was a good distraction from Ariel.

2:43 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: 😀

2:43 PM – Something Wonderful: i can’t? can’t what? =o

2:43 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: idk

2:43 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: sounds complicated

2:43 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: lol

2:44 PM – Something Wonderful: =)  it was fun.  she was fun.  IS fun.  fun to be with.

2:44 PM – Something Wonderful: but it’s like..

2:44 PM – Something Wonderful: ONE DAY?

2:44 PM – Something Wonderful: i get to know this girl for one day, and i found out that all her friends thinks she likes me?  and that i like her too?

2:45 PM – Something Wonderful: I mean, am I just so great a guy, so good at saying things, so good at being with, that I can bring compliments so easily?

2:45 PM – Something Wonderful: which would make me arrogant to assume, but it’d be lying if i didn’t think so.

2:45 PM – Something Wonderful: and again, i hate pride, glory, honestly, it really bugs me.

2:45 PM – Something Wonderful: and I feel really bad if she really likes me, then it’s like i led her on.

2:46 PM – Something Wonderful: but i don’t think so, I think she’s fine.

2:46 PM – Something Wonderful: I mean, why would she want to start something with a Dork like Me, when she’s about to go to New York City?

2:47 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: she didnt want to start lol

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: you cant stop people from liking another person

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: i mean

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: we do it

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: but its unnatural

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: dont you feel it lol

2:48 PM – Something Wonderful: There’s nothing Natural about me.

2:48 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: exactly

2:48 PM – Something Wonderful: i’m a machine see, the observer and I’m not Normal.

3:33 PM – Something Wonderful: k. i just put what i wrote with you up on the blog, i gotta get walking.

3:33 PM – |DAWS+Q| Waa!: later

I’ve gotta learn to let go of Logic and Clarity when it comes to finding Love and Peace.

The damage is done.

This battle cannot be won.

the war however has just begun.

The only way to win is to have some fun.