Janet.

2:04 AM – Stash: lets simpify the day.
2:04 AM – Stash: woke up at 8:30
2:04 AM – Stash: decided not to go to the library
2:04 AM – Stash: took a shower
2:04 AM – Stash: watched greys anatomy
2:04 AM – Stash: downloaded p90x
2:04 AM – Stash: caught the bus to chinatown
2:04 AM – Stash: chinatown bart to berkeley bart
2:04 AM – Stash: went to school, financial aid line
2:05 AM – Stash: line is closed till later.
2:05 AM – Stash: Met a girl, named Janet.
2:05 AM – Stash: Turns out, she lived in alameda.
2:05 AM – Stash: went to alameda high for freshman year.
2:05 AM – Stash: lived right near me
2:05 AM – heh: hahaha
2:05 AM – heh: icic
2:05 AM – Stash: we hung out
2:05 AM – Stash: went to sweetheart
2:05 AM – Stash: bought a hamburger.
2:05 AM – Stash: delicious
2:05 AM – Stash: and green tea.
2:05 AM – Stash: then we walked back to class.
2:05 AM – Stash: i went to my movie classw
2:06 AM – Stash: watched Cloverfield.
2:06 AM – Stash: got so eyetanked.
2:06 AM – Stash: went over to my friend’s place
2:06 AM – Stash: slept there.
2:06 AM – Stash: went to church
2:06 AM – Stash: ate dinner
2:06 AM – Stash: listened to sermon.
2:06 AM – Stash: slept
2:06 AM – Stash: wait
2:06 AM – Stash: no
2:06 AM – Stash: lol
2:06 AM – Stash: went to dwinelle
2:06 AM – Stash: sang
2:06 AM – Stash: danced.
2:07 AM – Stash: then i came home.
2:07 AM – Stash: ate some food.
2:07 AM – Stash: and here i am.

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Ahhhh. GoodNight.

(01:50:42) Alex Jung: lets talk here
(01:50:45) Andrew: okay.
(01:50:49) Andrew: i’d rather do so anyway.
(01:50:53) Andrew: cause i can save.
(01:50:59) Andrew: and upload it to my page
(01:51:02) Andrew: should i desire to
(01:51:10) Andrew: its not something i have to do.
(01:51:12) Andrew: anyway
(01:51:13) Andrew: your turn to say
(01:51:25) Alex Jung: so the question was do you think you are a know it all
(01:51:30) Andrew: ya
(01:51:45) Alex Jung: not really since no one can know everything
(01:51:50) Andrew: well
(01:51:52) Andrew: the reason i ask
(01:51:57) Andrew: is cause my aunt jenny said i was.
(01:51:58) Andrew: but
(01:51:59) Andrew: honestly
(01:52:09) Andrew: i think it’s not so much as me Knowing it all and acting that way.
(01:52:17) Andrew: but her not knowing enough, and acting stupidlay.
(01:52:58) Andrew: i mean, do i come off as someone who seems like I am always right?
(01:53:08) Andrew: or maybe i come off that way, because i’m right so often.
(01:53:21) Andrew: objectively i’d have to consider that possibility.
(01:53:30) Andrew: but the reason i’m right is because i leave room for being wrong.
(01:53:37) Alex Jung: lol
(01:54:00) Alex Jung: hmmm well everyone has their own views on other people
(01:54:45) Andrew: which is fine, except my aunt’s view is warped to make herself seem better than others.
(01:54:56) Andrew: and she invents problems for her to solve to make herself out to be better than she is.
(01:55:08) Andrew: and she finds small things to inadvertently insult people.
(01:55:18) Alex Jung: ah icic
(01:55:20) Alex Jung: well thats just her
(01:55:25) Alex Jung: there are people like that in the world
(01:55:28) Andrew: and as she is not aware of it herself, she is truly stupid.
(01:55:35) Andrew: =) so is it up to me to fix her?
(01:55:38) Andrew: can she be fixed?
(01:55:50) Andrew: obviously, it’s not my problem.
(01:56:26) Andrew: but the guilt that insues from not deciding to take action to alleviate her idiocy annoys me.
(01:56:40) Andrew: i mean, she’s like this with everyone, not just my mother and me.
(01:56:47) Andrew: also her sister, and sylvia and the baby.
(01:57:04) Andrew: how many terrible relationships does she have to go through before she starts realizing that perhaps She’s the problem?
(01:57:54) Andrew: Also, i ran into Aly today, outside sushi.
(01:58:02) Alex Jung: hmmmm ya your aunt has a problem
(01:58:05) Alex Jung: o
(01:58:06) Alex Jung: thats good
(01:58:07) Andrew: or rather, she ran into me.
(01:58:10) Alex Jung: what did you guys do
(01:58:10) Alex Jung: ?
(01:58:14) Andrew: she noticed and said hi to me.
(01:58:14) Andrew: uhh
(01:58:34) Andrew: we walked to Cinnaholic and got a CookieDough Strawberry peach CinnamonBun.
(01:58:43) Andrew: Vegan too.
(01:59:08) Andrew: and then we sat near a tree
(01:59:09) Alex Jung: yum
(01:59:11) Andrew: and talked for an hour
(01:59:17) Alex Jung: that sounds yummy
(01:59:18) Alex Jung: o
(01:59:19) Alex Jung: kk
(01:59:22) Alex Jung: what did you guys talk about?
(01:59:24) Andrew: uhh
(01:59:25) Andrew: random stuff
(01:59:27) Alex Jung: hahaha
(01:59:28) Alex Jung: icic
(01:59:30) Andrew: i dont quite remember
(01:59:31) Andrew: food?
(01:59:35) Alex Jung: lol
(01:59:35) Andrew: best food places..
(01:59:37) Alex Jung: ah
(01:59:37) Andrew: gifts for guys..
(01:59:40) Alex Jung: lol
(01:59:43) Alex Jung: why tak that
(01:59:44) Alex Jung: talk
(01:59:46) Andrew: and how there isn’t really a standard of guy gift giving.
(01:59:54) Andrew: cause girls have makeups..
(01:59:56) Andrew: bags..
(01:59:58) Alex Jung: hahaha
(02:00:04) Alex Jung: why did you guys talk about these things?
(02:00:07) Andrew: no idea.
(02:00:11) Andrew: honestly, it’s a blur to me.
(02:00:18) Andrew: i just remember her smiling, and me laughing.
(02:00:44) Andrew: it’s just so weird..
(02:00:48) Andrew: i mean, think about it
(02:00:50) Andrew: i run into her..
(02:00:59) Andrew: on a busy street
(02:01:08) Andrew: at this exact time.
(02:01:16) Andrew: if I’d not stopped to talk to my friend by the atm.
(02:01:23) Andrew: if I’d stayed at BT for a few minutes longer.
(02:01:46) Andrew: if I’d not gotten a ride into berkeley early.
(02:01:59) Andrew: if I’d not gotten dropped off.
(02:02:06) Andrew: things woulda been so different..
(02:02:08) Andrew: but just..
(02:02:10) Andrew: BY cHANCE?
(02:02:14) Alex Jung: ya
(02:02:17) Alex Jung: that would be a thing
(02:02:18) Alex Jung: cahnce
(02:02:26) Alex Jung: i would say that would be the case
(02:02:28) Alex Jung: hey
(02:02:34) Alex Jung: you did sya you would see her on thrus
(02:02:37) Andrew: it’s so serendipitious, it’s almost akin to divine if it’s true.
(02:02:37) Alex Jung: when you last spoke to me
(02:02:38) Alex Jung: lol
(02:02:39) Andrew: LOL
(02:02:45) Andrew: well i was thinking IN CLASS.
(02:02:48) Andrew: not randomly on the street.
(02:02:51) Andrew: and SHE ran into ME.
(02:02:54) Andrew: i didn’t even see her.
(02:03:18) Andrew: i told you, didn’t I.
(02:03:18) Andrew: ?
(02:03:21) Andrew: about CreatedFate.
(02:03:26) Andrew: and LOA.
(02:03:32) Andrew: aand.. the power of Intentions?
(02:03:50) Andrew: and The Seven ?
(02:03:55) Alex Jung: no you didn’t
(02:03:58) Andrew: NOOo?
(02:03:59) Andrew: wow.
(02:04:00) Andrew: well
(02:04:03) Andrew: it’s in the blog Somewhere..
(02:04:06) Andrew: but lemme be brief.
(02:04:08) Alex Jung: maybe the seven
(02:04:13) Andrew: basically, it means that Thoughts become Things.
(02:04:26) Andrew: the problem most people have, is their thoughts are never clear.
(02:04:39) Andrew: and people have subconcious thoughts based upon previous events.
(02:04:44) Andrew: so when you get clear.
(02:04:50) Andrew: when you know exactly what you want
(02:04:53) Andrew: you can get it, with ease.
(02:05:06) Andrew: My seven things I want, are simple, and clear.
(02:05:15) Andrew: A mind open with wonder, and not closed by belief.
(02:05:21) Andrew: A body that speaks louder than words ever could
(02:05:25) Andrew: A place to someday call home.
(02:05:39) Andrew: A companion to share the world with, to see life through a dog’s eyes.
(02:05:47) Andrew: Someone to love who loves me just the same.
(02:05:54) Andrew: A job too fun to be called work.
(02:05:59) Andrew: A constant Connection with the future.
(02:06:09) Alex Jung: is this all in order?
(02:06:14) Andrew: These are my intentions, and my world conciously brings these 7 things into existence.
(02:06:22) Andrew: uhh, no particular order, but i remember it this way.
(02:06:38) Andrew: i suppose they Are sorta in order.
(02:06:49) Andrew: by the timeline of my life.
(02:06:55) Andrew: but the point is, where does Aly fit in?
(02:07:03) Andrew: is she the girl i love who loves me just the same?
(02:07:09) Andrew: or do i have a subconcious intention attached to it?
(02:07:46) Andrew: perhaps it is my self-sabotaging nature that creates this situation of the unattainable woman.
(02:07:50) Alex Jung: hmmmm
(02:07:59) Andrew: that, though she is perfect for me in every which way, I create a person who is already taken.
(02:08:06) Alex Jung: well
(02:08:30) Alex Jung: i theres got to be a reason why you guys met right
(02:08:53) Andrew: randomness does not have enough power to create this phenomenon.
(02:08:58) Andrew: so it must be my own.
(02:09:09) Andrew: or a higher being’s.
(02:09:21) Andrew: but either way, what can I say?
(02:10:30) Andrew: Either my intentions aren’t quite as clear, because it is drawing the intention of a situation that creates self-inflicted pain from sabotage…
(02:10:47) Andrew: or my intentions are clear, and I am supposed to wait and see.
(02:11:08) Andrew: as if, the fact that she is now taken, means she needs to go through a break up for her to truly say she loves me.
(02:11:18) Alex Jung: true true
(02:11:24) Alex Jung: but i mean you guys just met
(02:11:39) Alex Jung: so she wouldn’t just break it off just now i think
(02:11:41) Andrew: Or, a third option, this is all hogwash about intention, and i’m going crazy over pure coincidence.
(02:11:48) Alex Jung: hahaha
(02:11:50) Alex Jung: hmmm
(02:11:51) Alex Jung: or
(02:11:55) Alex Jung: you are just overthinking
(02:12:16) Alex Jung: you might just be hurting yourself by thinking to much
(02:12:24) Alex Jung: but then again thats what talking and writing is good for
(02:12:27) Alex Jung: getting out feelings
(02:12:30) Alex Jung: and analyzing them
(02:12:44) Andrew: =) and that’s why i’m an english major.
(02:12:48) Andrew: =) and so is she.
(02:13:07) Alex Jung: yaya
(02:13:18) Alex Jung: so i mean you probalby have had some time to think
(02:13:23) Alex Jung: what do you truely feel
(02:13:30) Alex Jung: usually your first thoughts
(02:13:35) Alex Jung: are close to how you feel
(02:13:38) Alex Jung: well
(02:13:39) Alex Jung: at the moment
(02:14:22) Andrew: I like her.
(02:14:41) Alex Jung: well you understand yourself
(02:14:46) Alex Jung: and i don’t think its sabatouge
(02:14:48) Andrew: she’s quirky, cares enough to debilitate herself, funny, happy.
(02:14:49) Alex Jung: to yourself
(02:15:04) Andrew: like, lemme explain.
(02:15:06) Andrew: Birthday gifts.
(02:15:10) Andrew: we were talking about this.
(02:15:28) Andrew: She thinks and overthinks so much, that she’d rather break up with a guy if she can’t figure out what birthday gift to buy.
(02:15:48) Andrew: she sabotages herself, in that sense.
(02:16:01) Andrew: which unifies with the self-damaging personality that i hide inside.
(02:16:13) Andrew: Ah, there’s a 4th option i didn’t think of.
(02:16:24) Andrew: Perhaps there’s another girl, one even MORE suited, who hasn’t appeared yet.
(02:18:29) Alex Jung: ah icic
(02:18:33) Alex Jung: well
(02:18:36) Alex Jung: for her case
(02:18:41) Alex Jung: i think she shouldn’t do that to herself
(02:18:58) Alex Jung: and in your case you will never know what will happen
(02:19:11) Alex Jung: in my mind if you keep thinking that way
(02:19:15) Alex Jung: then you will never find someone
(02:19:24) Alex Jung: since you will always be thinking there is someone better
(02:19:28) Andrew: =) exactly. but the whole point is, we’re both fixers.
(02:19:37) Andrew: she’s broken in her overthinking.
(02:19:37) Alex Jung: then thats good
(02:19:48) Alex Jung: i mean sure problems are not good
(02:19:48) Andrew: and I create that person into my life, to fix.
(02:19:55) Andrew: I create problems, intend them to exist.
(02:19:55) Alex Jung: ah icic
(02:20:01) Alex Jung: hahah
(02:20:02) Alex Jung: hmm
(02:20:04) Alex Jung: sounds like me
(02:20:05) Andrew: i intended this problematic woman to come into my life.
(02:20:21) Alex Jung: then its a good thing right
(02:20:37) Andrew: =) good in that I can relate, bad in that it is relating to something I no longer want to be.
(02:20:49) Alex Jung: true
(02:20:55) Alex Jung: but thats what you have to fix right
(02:20:58) Andrew: =)
(02:21:00) Andrew: Fix Myself.
(02:21:04) Andrew: care about Myself.
(02:21:08) Andrew: above others.
(02:21:15) Andrew: it’s a difficult thing to me.
(02:21:19) Andrew: and to you as well.
(02:22:44) Andrew: =) i don’t suppose you’d like to break down your life and figure out your inner nature and your subconscious intentions?
(02:24:22) Alex Jung: hahaha
(02:24:24) Alex Jung: that would be good
(02:24:32) Alex Jung: i would love to learn about my self
(02:24:54) Andrew: =) and be amazed by the seemingly destined and charmed life that lies ahead of you.
(02:25:08) Andrew: See, the rule is sound.
(02:25:14) Andrew: People get what they intend and want.
(02:25:23) Alex Jung: hmmm
(02:25:27) Alex Jung: in a sense right
(02:25:31) Andrew: the problem is, knowing what you want, why you want it, and whether you want things without knowing it
(02:25:47) Andrew: The problem for me, is that I do not want anything. Or rather, I want things that are bad for me.
(02:25:51) Andrew: such as, Nothing.
(02:26:13) Andrew: Did i ever recommend to you, TheSecret?
(02:28:41) Alex Jung: nope you didn’t
(02:28:59) Andrew: oiish. well, i’ll show you another time.
(02:29:07) Andrew: i think i mentioned it to you, but didn’t show it to you.
(02:29:08) Andrew: well whatever.
(02:29:11) Andrew: you get it.
(02:29:15) Andrew: Thoughts become Things.
(02:29:23) Andrew: and i have a Thought, that i should go to sleep.
(02:29:31) Alex Jung: haha well if you want to
(02:29:33) Andrew: and the thing, will be me getting some rest.
(02:29:41) Alex Jung: go for it
(02:29:44) Andrew: =) well, you talk first.
(02:29:51) Andrew: i wanna hear your comments.
(02:29:53) Andrew: and complaints.
(02:29:55) Andrew: and corrections.
(02:29:57) Andrew: and correlations.
(02:30:00) Andrew: and confirmations.
(02:30:06) Andrew: and condemnations.
(02:30:16) Andrew: and condescensions.
(02:30:21) Alex Jung: hmmmm
(02:30:40) Alex Jung: well this is your first time being in love right?
(02:30:44) Alex Jung: just asking
(02:30:52) Andrew: =) love.. such an odd word.
(02:30:55) Alex Jung: hahah
(02:30:56) Andrew: No.
(02:31:02) Alex Jung: ah kk
(02:31:07) Andrew: this is the second time I have a girl who I think fits me well enough to be called love.
(02:31:08) Alex Jung: well at least you know about it then
(02:31:11) Alex Jung: ah kk
(02:31:13) Alex Jung: well for me
(02:31:24) Alex Jung: im still surprised i still have feelings for michelle
(02:31:30) Alex Jung: its been like 3 years
(02:31:44) Alex Jung: and im like wow i’m really surprised about myself
(02:32:20) Andrew: Well, she was your first. One never forgets their first. The question is, whether you’re open enough to allow a second.
(02:33:11) Alex Jung: hmmm
(02:33:12) Alex Jung: i have been
(02:33:16) Alex Jung: for the longest time
(02:33:21) Alex Jung: been thinking about that
(02:33:35) Alex Jung: but i still don’t get how people rid these times of feelings
(02:33:50) Andrew: =) are you familiar with the law of threes?
(02:33:57) Alex Jung: nope lo
(02:33:58) Alex Jung: lol
(02:34:07) Andrew: People have to do something 3 times before they can truly understand something.
(02:34:14) Andrew: because they have a past, present, and future to compare.
(02:34:36) Andrew: the fact that you have a past, makes the present seem so close to the past.
(02:34:44) Andrew: but no future to distance yourself from it.
(02:35:10) Andrew: so you are deluded into thinking the feeling is more emotionally attached than it really is.
(02:35:21) Andrew: as a result of not having anything to distance yourself from it.
(02:36:53) Alex Jung: ah icic
(02:36:57) Andrew: it’s tough to grasp, because it means that the hurt you are feeling, only hurts because you aren’t used to not feeling it.
(02:37:05) Alex Jung: hahah
(02:37:15) Alex Jung: thought i’ve felt a bit of pain for 3 years
(02:37:20) Alex Jung: so i’m pretty sure i have felt it
(02:37:22) Alex Jung: lopl
(02:37:53) Andrew: =) what’s wrong with thinking a better girl might come along?
(02:38:16) Alex Jung: nothing at all
(02:38:27) Alex Jung: i have been thinking about that
(02:38:36) Alex Jung: but still i have the same feelings
(02:38:55) Andrew: =) then hold on to it.
(02:38:59) Andrew: for as long as you can.
(02:39:03) Andrew: because time will come to take it away.
(02:39:06) Andrew: as it always does.
(02:39:14) Alex Jung: haha
(02:39:15) Andrew: and with it, it’ll bring a new girl into your life.
(02:39:15) Alex Jung: hmmm
(02:39:20) Alex Jung: i hope so
(02:39:21) Alex Jung: lol
(02:39:30) Andrew: =) that’s a constant of life.
(02:39:33) Andrew: that things always change.
(02:39:36) Alex Jung: ya
(02:39:41) Alex Jung: but its been 3 years haha
(02:39:49) Alex Jung: i’ve been looking for change
(02:40:11) Andrew: =) that means it matters more, so it’ll take longer to convince yourself it no longer does as much.
(02:40:34) Andrew: =) would you say you are.. looking for change to alleviate the pain?
(02:40:43) Andrew: or looking for change, to bring happiness where the pain used to be?
(02:42:20) Andrew: because the two are different, and it reflects your mindset.
(02:42:45) Andrew: if it is looking for change to alleviate pain, then it is focusing on the Pain, and drawing attention to it’s intention on yourself.
(02:42:58) Andrew: in which case, it will remain, because that which you resist, persists.
(02:43:13) Alex Jung: true true
(02:43:19) Alex Jung: in truth im not sure why i do this
(02:43:24) Alex Jung: or feel this way
(02:43:26) Alex Jung: love
(02:43:28) Alex Jung: pain
(02:43:32) Alex Jung: uncertaintity
(02:43:57) Andrew: you want me to give you my theory?
(02:44:24) Alex Jung: kk
(02:44:46) Andrew: I think, that it all stems from a feeling of Chivalry.
(02:45:09) Andrew: Chivalry, meaning to exert kindness and be the shoulder to lean on
(02:45:12) Andrew: the nice guy.
(02:45:26) Andrew: I think, that has become your purpose.
(02:45:34) Andrew: or more appropriately, your meaning
(02:45:56) Andrew: and because of it, the Chivalrous man needs situations to exert kindness.
(02:46:04) Andrew: in which case, situations where kindness is needed.
(02:46:10) Andrew: situations where things are unkind.
(02:46:52) Andrew: This belief is spread throughout your life, and when there isn’t a situation, you lose your sense of self.
(02:47:03) Alex Jung: ah icic
(02:47:10) Alex Jung: that sounds interesting
(02:47:18) Andrew: such as, when there isn’t a woman in your life for you to be kind to.
(02:47:23) Andrew: for you to be the good boyfriend to.
(02:47:37) Alex Jung: haha icic
(02:47:45) Andrew: that’s where the pain, or loneliness comes from.
(02:47:50) Andrew: not the loss of the woman.
(02:48:02) Andrew: but the loss of a person to be the knight in shining armor for.
(02:48:51) Alex Jung: hahaha
(02:49:17) Andrew: So then, are you the Knight in Shining armor, and would you like to stay the Stoic Soldier?
(02:49:33) Andrew: Or would you like to adjust your meaning, and have meaning without being dependent on others?
(02:49:33) Alex Jung: what do you mean stoic soldier
(02:49:38) Alex Jung: ah
(02:49:39) Alex Jung: ya
(02:49:44) Alex Jung: the latter sounds good
(02:49:59) Andrew: Stoic soldier, as if you can Take the feeling of loneliness and even though there’s no one to help, you help those you can.
(02:50:06) Andrew: as if you can handle the pain.
(02:50:28) Andrew: =) Adjust your meaning, then, My friend.
(02:50:39) Alex Jung: hmmm
(02:50:45) Alex Jung: though both sounds right
(02:50:50) Andrew: Reorganize your mind to intend something other than a problem to fix.
(02:50:58) Andrew: =) both Are right, there is no Wrong answer.
(02:51:05) Andrew: see, that’s the beauty of this great secret.
(02:51:15) Andrew: There is no such thing as a Wrong intention.
(02:51:21) Andrew: It’s a choice.
(02:51:24) Andrew: you choose the intention.
(02:51:36) Andrew: no one is going to judge you and say you made a bad decision.
(02:51:41) Andrew: it’s YOUR decision to make!
(02:51:51) Andrew: any judging and guilt is from Yourself.
(02:51:58) Andrew: and any power to change comes from within.
(02:52:07) Andrew: =) but i get what you mean.
(02:52:09) Andrew: both sound awesome.
(02:52:26) Andrew: to be the Stoic Soldier, or the Happy Helper that is more than just a fixer.
(02:52:36) Andrew: as if you can be happy without having something to fix.
(02:52:43) Andrew: Honestly, that is why you and I are similar.
(02:52:49) Andrew: Though, i’ve gone the stoic solider route.
(02:53:01) Andrew: and i’m happy because it’s my choice to do it.
(02:53:08) Alex Jung: ah
(02:53:09) Alex Jung: icic
(02:53:12) Alex Jung: very true
(02:53:21) Alex Jung: im not sure what i want
(02:53:30) Andrew: =) take your time, took me many years.
(02:53:47) Andrew: I also want to believe that i’ve isolated the key to happiness.
(02:53:58) Andrew: it lies in what i just said.
(02:54:09) Andrew: “being happy because it is my choice to be miserable”
(02:54:13) Andrew: Choice.
(02:54:16) Andrew: Freedom of choosing.
(02:54:18) Andrew: Freedom.
(02:54:27) Andrew: To not be manipulated.
(02:54:48) Andrew: To be allowed to act separately, if it is desired.
(02:54:57) Andrew: I think that’s the key to happiness.
(02:55:07) Andrew: Because I broke it down when we thought about this fact.
(02:55:16) Andrew: That, once a certain level of income is met, money no longer makes you happy.
(02:55:31) Andrew: Then it means, What is the money for, that makes the money useless after having enough of it?
(02:55:44) Andrew: I figured, well, Money buys stuff.
(02:56:03) Andrew: and also, People like stuff.
(02:56:17) Andrew: So, people like people With stuff.
(02:56:24) Andrew: but that’s even more simple.
(02:56:27) Andrew: People like People.
(02:56:34) Andrew: and they Wish to be liked.
(02:56:40) Andrew: People wish to belong.
(02:56:56) Andrew: People wish to be interconnected, with their neighbors, and each other.
(02:57:19) Alex Jung: yaya
(02:57:22) Alex Jung: thats how i feel
(02:57:23) Andrew: That, is the unifying and underlying desire that brings happiness.
(02:57:29) Andrew: it’s so simple.
(02:58:01) Andrew: Money is used not to make people feel happy while being alone, but to seem likable enough to the people they want them to like.
(02:58:42) Andrew: Interconnectedness.
(02:58:45) Andrew: I’ve been looking.
(02:58:53) Andrew: I can’t find anything like this written anywhere.
(02:58:57) Andrew: no book describes this.
(02:59:03) Andrew: No study highlights it.
(02:59:08) Andrew: So i think, I’ll write it.
(02:59:23) Andrew: eventually, when the right words come to me.
(02:59:51) Andrew: and who knows, maybe people will understand, and the world will live in harmony by knowing how to be happy and how easy it is to attain.
(03:00:06) Andrew: Or maybe i’ll just end up with a heavy paperweight.
(03:00:17) Alex Jung: well things are never certain in life haha
(03:00:21) Andrew: =) either way, it’s fun for me to consider and think of. =P
(03:00:27) Alex Jung: haha ya
(03:00:30) Alex Jung: true
(03:00:32) Alex Jung: hmmmmm
(03:00:44) Alex Jung: so what do you think is the best route to clear ones feelings of the past
(03:00:48) Alex Jung: im sure you have done that
(03:01:02) Andrew: mmm..
(03:01:04) Andrew: the past.
(03:01:09) Andrew: well..
(03:01:13) Andrew: this is going to sound insane.
(03:01:25) Andrew: but imagine the end of your future.
(03:01:34) Andrew: Your death.
(03:01:34) Alex Jung: like the end of my life
(03:01:35) Alex Jung: ah
(03:01:36) Alex Jung: kk
(03:01:36) Andrew: yep.
(03:01:40) Andrew: imagine that for a second.
(03:01:42) Alex Jung: wait
(03:01:44) Alex Jung: hahah
(03:01:47) Alex Jung: that just makes me
(03:01:57) Alex Jung: want to love her even more
(03:02:02) Andrew: =) just bear with me.
(03:02:07) Alex Jung: hahha
(03:02:08) Alex Jung: kk
(03:02:12) Andrew: Imagine your death.
(03:02:15) Andrew: you’re in a hospital.
(03:02:19) Andrew: there’s a curtain drawn.
(03:02:23) Andrew: it’s late at night.
(03:02:27) Andrew: you take your last breath.
(03:02:28) Andrew: you die.
(03:02:41) Andrew: Now, imagine another person.
(03:02:48) Andrew: Say they are in the bed next to you.
(03:02:53) Andrew: Think about their life.
(03:02:59) Andrew: all the possibilities.
(03:03:03) Andrew: all the great feats.
(03:03:06) Andrew: all the great defeats.
(03:03:11) Andrew: all the accomplishments
(03:03:17) Andrew: and all the failures.
(03:03:23) Andrew: for one thing, you dont know a thing about this person.
(03:03:27) Andrew: you dont know
(03:03:29) Andrew: they could be good
(03:03:32) Andrew: they could be bad.
(03:03:35) Andrew: all you know
(03:03:38) Andrew: is that they’re dead
(03:03:41) Andrew: alongside with you.
(03:03:46) Andrew: Then let’s go big picture.
(03:03:55) Alex Jung: kk
(03:03:56) Andrew: Imagine all 11billion people in the world.
(03:04:05) Andrew: all those possibilities.
(03:04:08) Andrew: all those possible heros
(03:04:11) Andrew: all those possible villians.
(03:04:13) Andrew: every hitler
(03:04:15) Andrew: every ghandi
(03:04:22) Andrew: every murderer
(03:04:24) Andrew: every savior.
(03:04:29) Andrew: all gone.
(03:04:33) Andrew: in a blink of an eye.
(03:04:36) Andrew: everyone dies.
(03:04:41) Andrew: That.. is humbling.
(03:04:46) Andrew: to know that Your one life.
(03:04:55) Andrew: compared to 11billion or so other lives.
(03:05:02) Andrew: is equal.
(03:05:04) Andrew: See?
(03:05:10) Andrew: not insignificant.
(03:05:13) Andrew: that’d be untrue.
(03:05:22) Andrew: but Equally Significant, Equally full of Possibility.
(03:05:48) Alex Jung: ah
(03:05:48) Andrew: Humanity may be a mere life form on this pale blue dot filled with many other dots in the galaxy,
(03:05:57) Andrew: but Humanity is capable of great things.
(03:06:01) Alex Jung: very true
(03:06:14) Andrew: and we are all Equal in that greatness of possibility.
(03:06:21) Andrew: Everyone with life, has potential.
(03:06:34) Alex Jung: yaya i agree with that
(03:06:43) Andrew: So let’s go back to you.
(03:06:44) Andrew: and your Past.
(03:06:52) Andrew: and remember what i told you
(03:06:57) Andrew: Everything, is a choice.
(03:07:18) Alex Jung: ya
(03:07:21) Alex Jung: everything is
(03:07:25) Andrew: the question is whether or not you choose so willingly, and steadfastly, without any exception.
(03:07:33) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:07:35) Alex Jung: true
(03:07:39) Andrew: So if you are having difficultly letting go of the past.
(03:07:46) Andrew: it is you choosing Not to Let Go of the Past.
(03:07:55) Alex Jung: haha i know
(03:07:56) Andrew: Back to big picture now.
(03:07:56) Alex Jung: i know
(03:08:00) Andrew: All those lives.
(03:08:04) Andrew: imagine
(03:08:09) Andrew: how many of them
(03:08:17) Andrew: have lost love that they thought would be eternal?
(03:08:36) Andrew: that automatically takes less meaning in it.
(03:08:42) Andrew: or rather, takes less of the false meaning away from it
(03:08:45) Andrew: away from yourself.
(03:08:56) Andrew: no longer inflated from Universal size.
(03:09:04) Andrew: but shrunk down to planetary, along with the rest of the planet.
(03:09:11) Andrew: You are not the center of a universe.
(03:09:33) Andrew: You are the forever rotating planet.
(03:09:51) Andrew: always equal with the rest of the particles in the planet.
(03:09:58) Andrew: so, you have given yourself False meaning.
(03:10:01) Andrew: False importance.
(03:10:07) Andrew: Your love, is a false importance.
(03:10:26) Andrew: in the grand scheme, it is not important enough to matter.
(03:10:33) Andrew: Just as, You are not important enough to matter.
(03:10:37) Andrew: Which is why, this one statement.
(03:11:00) Andrew: “You are both Significant, and Insignificant.”
(03:11:02) Andrew: is true.
(03:11:09) Andrew: Nothing matters, and everything matters.
(03:11:13) Andrew: it’s all a game.
(03:11:17) Andrew: and you pick and choose.
(03:11:22) Andrew: as you please.
(03:11:33) Andrew: and when you are clear in your mind, you can do so with ease.
(03:11:51) Andrew: Put simply,
(03:12:12) Andrew: she does not matter enough to keep around, if you choose to make something else matter more.
(03:12:36) Andrew: “choose to make something else matter more”
(03:12:42) Andrew: forget about “forgetting the past”
(03:12:50) Andrew: just “choose to make something else matter more”
(03:12:55) Andrew: that’s how you move on.
(03:13:14) Andrew: that’s the whole.. kicking the addiction.
(03:13:31) Andrew: an addiction is very simple
(03:13:46) Alex Jung: haha icic
(03:13:52) Alex Jung: makes sense
(03:14:02) Andrew: does it? i think i got lost myself.
(03:14:08) Andrew: it’s so difficult to grasp for myself.
(03:14:15) Alex Jung: hahah i can kinda see where this going
(03:14:17) Andrew: i cant’ believe you’d understand my insanity.
(03:14:29) Alex Jung: thats one thing people like me for
(03:14:31) Alex Jung: im understanding
(03:14:54) Andrew: =) i’m over-thinking. but I think something this broad requires it.
(03:15:04) Alex Jung: though what i don’t get is why my mind would choose to not let go even though i know there probalby is someone out there
(03:15:10) Alex Jung: i can see what i have to do
(03:15:13) Andrew: hmm.
(03:15:13) Alex Jung: i know what i must do
(03:15:17) Alex Jung: but
(03:15:25) Andrew: perhaps it’s fear of saving yourself?
(03:15:31) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:15:45) Andrew: as in, you do not want to let her go, because if you do, you will be fixed.
(03:15:46) Andrew: better.
(03:15:49) Andrew: healed.
(03:15:52) Alex Jung: haha
(03:15:54) Alex Jung: isn’t that
(03:15:57) Alex Jung: a good thing
(03:16:06) Andrew: The Knight in shining armor is riddled with holes and scars.
(03:16:18) Andrew: the armor is the front.
(03:16:30) Andrew: you saving yourself is shedding the armor.
(03:16:37) Andrew: and leaving only the holes and scars.
(03:16:41) Andrew: bringing them to light.
(03:16:52) Andrew: your mind does not want to bring that to light.
(03:17:21) Andrew: what scars though..
(03:17:38) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:18:03) Alex Jung: i don’t know. i guess i felt that at that time when i was in love that it was the best feeling in my life
(03:18:14) Alex Jung: i found pure happiness
(03:18:22) Alex Jung: and a will to live for something
(03:18:37) Andrew: what damage has occurred as a result of you being the protector, the good boyfriend , the helping hand.
(03:18:43) Andrew: got it.
(03:18:49) Andrew: dependency
(03:18:53) Andrew: Will to live for.
(03:19:17) Andrew: If she is insignificant, in that she is equally important but false, then it’ll fall through when it disappears.
(03:19:43) Alex Jung: hmm
(03:19:52) Andrew: pure happiness can only be achieved through self-realization and self-delusion.
(03:20:13) Andrew: Happiness is not attained from having something to be happy about, but being happy with having nothing.
(03:20:21) Alex Jung: haha true
(03:20:24) Alex Jung: i understand that part
(03:20:26) Andrew: because Nothing, means you have Everything you already need.
(03:20:37) Alex Jung: hmm that will be hard for me though
(03:20:45) Andrew: yes, it’s certainly difficult.
(03:21:09) Andrew: The self-detrimentals are cursed with a long road.
(03:21:21) Alex Jung: ya
(03:21:30) Alex Jung: the road to happiness is always a hard one
(03:21:33) Andrew: but it is us who realize it ahead of those who follow false lies.
(03:21:44) Alex Jung: ya
(03:21:56) Andrew: so, it’s a win, in my book.
(03:22:02) Alex Jung: haha ya
(03:22:08) Alex Jung: do you think i need to be more selfish
(03:22:16) Alex Jung: insted of so giving
(03:22:24) Andrew: =) you and I both, but it’s more difficult than just selfishness.
(03:22:43) Alex Jung: what else is there?
(03:22:45) Andrew: see, Hoarding, is not the same as not taking.
(03:22:54) Andrew: or Not giving.
(03:23:05) Andrew: The problem you and I have, is not the Not giving part.
(03:23:11) Andrew: the problem, is the Not taking part.
(03:23:16) Andrew: One has to take, as well as give.
(03:23:20) Andrew: one cannot JUST give.
(03:23:42) Andrew: as far as being more selfish..
(03:23:53) Alex Jung: ah ya
(03:23:55) Andrew: i recommend being less self-less.
(03:23:56) Alex Jung: that is true
(03:23:59) Alex Jung: o
(03:24:02) Alex Jung: kk
(03:24:05) Alex Jung: ya
(03:24:13) Alex Jung: someone did tell me once to take more
(03:24:22) Andrew: think of yourself more, but continue to give.
(03:24:28) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:24:42) Alex Jung: hard to do though when all i love to do is help
(03:24:52) Andrew: =) and that’s the Dependency and the Fixer mentality.
(03:25:03) Andrew: which I also have residing in me.
(03:25:13) Andrew: so, I am not perfect.
(03:25:21) Alex Jung: haha
(03:25:24) Alex Jung: no one is perfect
(03:25:32) Andrew: but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m happy with attempting perfection.
(03:25:39) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:25:42) Alex Jung: perfection
(03:25:45) Alex Jung: i don’t mind that
(03:25:57) Alex Jung: but i think sometimes it makes me unhappy
(03:26:15) Andrew: =) perfection needs to be defined better.
(03:26:21) Andrew: it is not “the absence of mistakes”
(03:26:35) Alex Jung: hmm ya
(03:26:45) Alex Jung: though for me its just striving to be better than i am or just a better person
(03:26:50) Alex Jung: even if i know im a good person
(03:26:59) Andrew: but more so, “the cummulative pinnacle of possibility from accepting and adjusting all difficulties and mistakes that may occur”
(03:27:38) Alex Jung: ya
(03:27:48) Alex Jung: its so hard though hahaha
(03:27:57) Andrew: =) no one ever said being Good was easy.
(03:27:58) Alex Jung: i have such a good memory where i can relive everything
(03:28:01) Alex Jung: every mistake
(03:28:02) Andrew: but it’s because it’s hard that makes it fun.
(03:28:07) Alex Jung: ya
(03:28:11) Alex Jung: its a challeage
(03:28:15) Andrew: a purpose.
(03:28:19) Alex Jung: ya
(03:28:22) Alex Jung: but at the same time
(03:28:25) Alex Jung: i feel some guilt
(03:28:31) Andrew: The Guilt of the Good.
(03:28:33) Andrew: yup.
(03:28:42) Alex Jung: its good
(03:28:45) Alex Jung: for learning and understanding
(03:28:50) Alex Jung: but having a bit for 3 years
(03:28:55) Alex Jung: it makes me worry
(03:29:13) Andrew: you worry it’ll never vanish?
(03:29:26) Alex Jung: in a sense
(03:29:37) Alex Jung: but the thing is i have made many mistakes where i have felt guilt
(03:29:50) Alex Jung: but for some reason this certain guilt that i have had for 3 years has not gone away
(03:30:00) Andrew: what do you have to feel guilty about?
(03:30:06) Andrew: not being a better boyfriend?
(03:30:10) Andrew: that’s absurd.
(03:30:16) Alex Jung: i feel guilt
(03:30:25) Alex Jung: for hurting her feelings
(03:30:44) Andrew: interesting..
(03:31:06) Andrew: guilt would certainly keep it around longer.
(03:31:14) Alex Jung: ya
(03:31:19) Andrew: but then there’s the answer.
(03:31:23) Andrew: You’ve inflicted pain.
(03:31:33) Alex Jung: ya
(03:31:34) Andrew: so, as punishment, you must relive it.
(03:31:37) Alex Jung: haha
(03:31:39) Alex Jung: ya
(03:31:47) Alex Jung: i think thats why i like to suffer
(03:31:49) Andrew: Which is clear, as you waht you intend.
(03:31:50) Andrew: yep
(03:31:51) Andrew: exactly
(03:31:56) Andrew: You intend suffering upon yourself.
(03:32:00) Alex Jung: ya
(03:32:11) Alex Jung: as punishment
(03:32:14) Andrew: so, that’s the first step.
(03:32:16) Andrew: Forgiveness.
(03:32:23) Alex Jung: hmm ya
(03:32:29) Andrew: =) i think that’s enough for one night.
(03:32:34) Alex Jung: hahaha kk
(03:32:40) Alex Jung: i’ll talk to you later then!
(03:32:41) Alex Jung: =)
(03:32:48) Andrew: =) absolutely
(03:32:49) Andrew: and remember.
(03:32:53) Andrew: This isn’t an exact science.
(03:32:57) Andrew: i could be terribly wrong.
(03:32:58) Alex Jung: haha
(03:32:58) Alex Jung: ya
(03:33:01) Alex Jung: but
(03:33:03) Alex Jung: it makes sense
(03:33:04) Alex Jung: to me
(03:33:07) Alex Jung: and i feel its right
(03:33:12) Andrew: =) I try.
(03:33:22) Alex Jung: yaya
(03:33:26) Alex Jung: well goodnight! =)
(03:33:29) Andrew: Actually, really quick, I wanna leave you with one last thing.
(03:33:32) Alex Jung: o
(03:33:32) Alex Jung: kk
(03:33:38) Andrew: First, is Forgiving yourself.
(03:33:47) Andrew: Then, is creating a healthy attachment to life.
(03:33:50) Alex Jung: haha
(03:33:52) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:33:55) Alex Jung: ya
(03:33:56) Andrew: Which means, finding things you Want.
(03:34:04) Andrew: my Seven for example.
(03:34:08) Alex Jung: ah
(03:34:09) Alex Jung: well
(03:34:19) Andrew: you can use and adjust my seven as you like. =)
(03:34:24) Andrew: just soemthing to think about.
(03:34:27) Alex Jung: haha well some of it is the same
(03:34:27) Andrew: or even ask for 12.
(03:34:32) Andrew: =)
(03:34:34) Andrew: but remember
(03:34:37) Andrew: Simple is easier.
(03:34:42) Andrew: and basic.
(03:34:48) Alex Jung: haha ya
(03:34:58) Andrew: The universe always finds the quickest, shortest, most harmonious way between you, and what you want.
(03:35:07) Alex Jung: haha ya
(03:35:08) Andrew: so make it easy for the universe. =)
(03:35:18) Alex Jung: though what if you want something that seems so hard to get
(03:35:28) Alex Jung: because although moving on
(03:35:31) Alex Jung: and ridding feelings
(03:35:33) Alex Jung: and such
(03:35:34) Andrew: =) i’m sure the difficulty is a lie.
(03:35:35) Andrew: OH
(03:35:37) Andrew: one other thing
(03:35:40) Andrew: Adjust your typinpg
(03:35:42) Andrew: and talking
(03:35:43) Andrew: and writing
(03:35:46) Andrew: to focus on the positive.
(03:35:47) Alex Jung: o
(03:35:49) Alex Jung: hahah
(03:35:53) Andrew: so if you want to Get rid of feelings.
(03:36:00) Andrew: it means you want to Immerse yourself in Good Feelings.
(03:36:02) Alex Jung: well my typing of feelings is good
(03:36:09) Alex Jung: my speaking is not
(03:36:19) Alex Jung: i don’t like burdening people with my feelings
(03:36:33) Alex Jung: when they have other things to worry about in life
(03:36:40) Andrew: =) hence, the Guilt of the Good.
(03:36:44) Alex Jung: ya
(03:36:45) Andrew: Which was the title of my first book.
(03:36:49) Alex Jung: haha ya
(03:36:50) Andrew: which we played scattergories.
(03:36:55) Andrew: and i brought up.
(03:37:05) Alex Jung: ya
(03:37:07) Andrew: though, i don’t quite know anymore =)
(03:37:20) Andrew: Hey. Want me to put this convo up on the blog?
(03:37:20) Alex Jung: well i know we all seek love
(03:37:23) Alex Jung: o
(03:37:26) Alex Jung: you could if you want
(03:37:30) Alex Jung: but as i was saying
(03:37:52) Alex Jung: we all seek love but what happens if you love someone who doesn’t love you back
(03:37:53) Alex Jung: actually
(03:38:13) Alex Jung: ah nvm
(03:38:15) Alex Jung: i realized
(03:38:20) Alex Jung: that aly probalby likes you
(03:38:33) Andrew: =) where’s this coming from all of a sudden?
(03:38:37) Andrew: Let me clarify.
(03:38:41) Andrew: You are to leave it up to the universe.
(03:38:49) Andrew: The universe knows.
(03:38:57) Andrew: Though you do not, the universe will show.
(03:39:04) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:39:14) Alex Jung: so in a sense the universe wants me to suffer for now
(03:39:28) Andrew: =) in a sense, You want you to suffer, so the universe gives you what you want.
(03:39:35) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:39:40) Alex Jung: icic
(03:39:49) Alex Jung: but im not sure constant thinking about her is a good thing
(03:39:58) Andrew: So if someone doesn’t love you back, then it either means that the person that you attracted isn’t quite in line with your conscious desires.
(03:40:10) Andrew: or, that the person herself does not yet know that she is right for you.
(03:40:18) Andrew: Either way, it is no longer in your court to say.
(03:40:24) Alex Jung: hahaha
(03:40:26) Alex Jung: icic
(03:40:30) Andrew: Leave it up to the universe, after releasing your intentional intentions.
(03:40:30) Alex Jung: that makes a lot of sense to me
(03:40:43) Andrew: =) that’s why this Secret really got to me.
(03:40:45) Andrew: it made SENSE.
(03:40:57) Andrew: logically.
(03:41:01) Andrew: and in practice.
(03:41:07) Andrew: in my life, so much has happened.
(03:41:11) Andrew: and I know why now.
(03:41:15) Andrew: my relations
(03:41:21) Andrew: the people i have around
(03:41:23) Andrew: and the way i act
(03:41:28) Andrew: break down Everything.
(03:41:39) Alex Jung: icic
(03:41:41) Alex Jung: interesting
(03:41:41) Andrew: it’s insane, but it’s the best way to be .. A Creator.
(03:41:47) Andrew: Which is like.. Godlike.
(03:41:53) Andrew: Which is almost Blasphemous to say.
(03:42:01) Alex Jung: hahah
(03:42:02) Alex Jung: so
(03:42:04) Andrew: but who’s to say God doesn’t have that power?
(03:42:07) Andrew: OH
(03:42:09) Andrew: HOLY SHIT
(03:42:12) Andrew: What if GOD HAS THAT POWER.
(03:42:18) Andrew: GOD IS HUMAN, with the power to CREATE.
(03:42:24) Alex Jung: hmm maybe
(03:42:35) Alex Jung: wouldn’t count that idea out
(03:42:39) Andrew: creeeeepy.
(03:42:43) Andrew: i didn’t think of that.
(03:42:46) Andrew: mindblown.
(03:42:51) Andrew: universeoverload.
(03:42:53) Andrew: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(03:42:59) Andrew: i need sleep
(03:43:00) Andrew: so do you.
(03:43:05) Alex Jung: so destiny takes us down a path and yet we our selves can create destiny
(03:43:11) Andrew: Yep Yep.
(03:43:20) Alex Jung: hm
(03:43:20) Andrew: I wrote this down somewhere.
(03:43:22) Andrew: The Source.
(03:43:24) Alex Jung: interesting
(03:43:30) Andrew: The source is Limiteless energy.
(03:43:38) Andrew: and we take that energy, and make things happen with it.
(03:43:46) Andrew: The source is neither good nor bad.
(03:43:52) Andrew: and this is where evil comes in.
(03:44:10) Andrew: People who Are evil, are brought about by people who fear evil.
(03:44:25) Andrew: because it is in being afraid of it, that you give meaning to it.
(03:44:29) Andrew: you focus on it.
(03:44:33) Andrew: so someone,
(03:44:35) Andrew: maybe the first
(03:44:42) Andrew: if you wanna get biblical
(03:44:44) Andrew: The Snake
(03:44:49) Andrew: the Apple.
(03:45:03) Andrew: Fear the indecency of being naked in Eden.
(03:45:11) Andrew: Brings about the evils of the world.
(03:45:14) Andrew: daaamn.
(03:45:22) Andrew: okay.
(03:45:27) Andrew: too much mindblown for one night.
(03:45:39) Andrew: OH
(03:45:40) Andrew: wait
(03:45:42) Andrew: michelle told me this
(03:45:46) Andrew: you joined a church in riverside?
(03:45:53) Andrew: whats the church called?
(03:46:40) Alex Jung: well its a fellowship group
(03:47:04) Alex Jung: and how did i become a topic
(03:47:07) Alex Jung: for discussion lol
(03:47:14) Andrew: =) sorry, lemme backtrack
(03:47:15) Andrew: Gracepoint
(03:47:22) Andrew: went down to riverside
(03:47:29) Andrew: and started a church there.
(03:47:35) Andrew: i was just wondering if its the same church.
(03:47:40) Alex Jung: ya
(03:47:44) Andrew: LOL
(03:47:46) Andrew: lmaooooo
(03:47:50) Andrew: we’re in the same fellowship!
(03:47:51) Andrew: ahahah
(03:47:56) Andrew: wait
(03:48:01) Andrew: then you should know Jammy Yang.
(03:48:09) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:48:15) Alex Jung: yang
(03:48:20) Alex Jung: ya
(03:48:23) Andrew: LMFAO
(03:48:25) Andrew: ahahahaha
(03:48:25) Andrew: okay
(03:48:26) Andrew: so
(03:48:30) Andrew: we’ve been talking about this
(03:48:35) Andrew: in berkeley
(03:48:37) Andrew: Gracepoint
(03:48:43) Alex Jung: the fellowship group has?
(03:48:43) Andrew: apparently
(03:48:53) Andrew: wha?
(03:49:02) Alex Jung: go on
(03:49:05) Alex Jung: you were talking about
(03:49:15) Alex Jung: or the group was talking about
(03:49:19) Andrew: well, apparently, jammy Yang goes to Riverside Gracepoint, originally from Berkeley, and originally from Irvine.
(03:49:23) Andrew: AND
(03:49:36) Andrew: A Jammy Yang taught me Pre-Algebra at Will C Wood Middle School.
(03:49:53) Alex Jung: hahaa
(03:49:54) Alex Jung: icic
(03:49:57) Andrew: SOOOO
(03:49:59) Andrew: lmaoo
(03:50:06) Andrew: thats awesome
(03:50:07) Andrew: almost..
(03:50:13) Alex Jung: lol
(03:50:14) Andrew: serendipitously awesome.
(03:50:22) Alex Jung: lol
(03:50:23) Alex Jung: ya
(03:50:26) Andrew: woww.
(03:50:31) Alex Jung: hmmm
(03:50:38) Andrew: people said hes coming up for thanksgiving.
(03:50:51) Alex Jung: hahaha
(03:50:51) Andrew: but thats so awesome.
(03:50:55) Andrew: woww
(03:51:01) Andrew: i[m just so mindblown right now
(03:51:11) Andrew: my brain is going to shut off the second i hit the bed.
(03:51:16) Alex Jung: haha
(03:51:17) Alex Jung: hmm
(03:51:18) Alex Jung: wondering
(03:51:32) Alex Jung: how did me joinging a fellowship come in your conversation lol
(03:51:35) Andrew: OH
(03:51:37) Alex Jung: so random
(03:51:38) Andrew: uhh
(03:51:40) Andrew: Church
(03:51:41) Andrew: God
(03:51:42) Andrew: Snake
(03:51:44) Andrew: adam and eve
(03:51:45) Andrew: naked
(03:51:46) Andrew: eden
(03:51:54) Andrew: I have associative memory.
(03:51:56) Alex Jung: haha
(03:52:04) Andrew: One trigger cascades all the rest of my thoughts.
(03:52:11) Alex Jung: hahahah
(03:52:12) Andrew: I think that’s also why I suck at math.
(03:52:15) Alex Jung: o
(03:52:15) Alex Jung: haha
(03:52:21) Andrew: Cause Numbers have no association, it’s too random.
(03:52:26) Alex Jung: lol
(03:52:30) Andrew: Too many possible connections.
(03:52:35) Alex Jung: hahaha
(03:52:36) Alex Jung: ya
(03:52:53) Andrew: I mean, I have number associations based upon other things.
(03:52:53) Alex Jung: i think we should get some sleep now haha
(03:52:57) Alex Jung: ya
(03:52:58) Andrew: but that’s for another time
(03:53:03) Alex Jung: its almost 4
(03:53:04) Alex Jung: lol
(03:53:10) Andrew: 4,7,11,17,23,47,74.
(03:53:12) Andrew: WOAH
(03:53:15) Andrew: how the hell did i type that much.
(03:53:19) Andrew: k
(03:53:20) Andrew: im dead.
(03:53:25) Alex Jung: haha
(03:53:26) Alex Jung: kk
(03:53:30) Andrew: whew.
(03:53:33) Andrew: we’ll talk more later.
(03:53:38) Andrew: after a lot of rest.
(03:53:42) Alex Jung: haha kk
(03:53:46) Andrew: i’ll put this up
(03:53:48) Alex Jung: kk
(03:53:50) Alex Jung: sounds good
(03:53:52) Andrew: just cause its weirdly serendipitous.
(03:53:56) Alex Jung: ahahahaha
(03:54:06) Andrew: I mean, I’m supposed to go to the church Today.
(03:54:09) Andrew: at 7pm.
(03:54:12) Alex Jung: lol
(03:54:13) Alex Jung: icic
(03:54:16) Andrew: ahhh
(03:54:17) Andrew: okay
(03:54:21) Andrew: we’ll talk later.
(03:54:23) Alex Jung: kk
(03:54:26) Alex Jung: goodnight
(03:54:29) Alex Jung: =)
(03:54:35) Andrew: Goodnight. =)
(03:54:35) Andrew: OH
(03:54:36) Andrew: wait
(03:54:37) Andrew: uhh
(03:54:42) Andrew: i also recommend music
(03:54:47) Andrew: it clears the head.
(03:54:48) Andrew: wait no
(03:54:49) Andrew: not music
(03:54:52) Andrew: It’s called
(03:54:55) Andrew: Meditation stuff
(03:54:58) Andrew: i have it on a HD
(03:54:58) Alex Jung: o kk
(03:55:04) Andrew: i’ll give it to you sometime
(03:55:06) Andrew: remind me.
(03:55:07) Alex Jung: kk
(03:55:11) Alex Jung: sounds good
(03:55:15) Andrew: it’s supposed to reorganize your thinking or something
(03:55:19) Andrew: I used it for about 7 months.
(03:55:20) Andrew: and stopped
(03:55:22) Andrew: they have like..
(03:55:27) Andrew: 20 years worth of listening.
(03:55:29) Andrew: or wahtever.
(03:55:34) Alex Jung: hhahahah
(03:55:35) Alex Jung: kk
(03:55:41) Andrew: but I think i’m reorganized enough to not care about more reorganizing.
(03:55:50) Andrew: yeah, so i hope i was helpful
(03:56:05) Alex Jung: ya
(03:56:08) Alex Jung: you were
(03:56:37) Alex Jung: though the question is when will i be able to feel all this
(03:56:43) Alex Jung: 3 years has gone by
(03:56:46) Alex Jung: so im still waiting
(03:57:36) Andrew: =) focusing on the feeling that is there, allows it to persist. Instead, draw your attention elsewhere, and I will assist.
(03:57:49) Alex Jung: hmmm kk
(03:58:02) Andrew: basically, forget waiting for the pain to disappear, try to be happy while ignoring the pain.
(03:58:10) Alex Jung: hmm
(03:58:11) Andrew: and the pain will go away when you ignore it.
(03:58:11) Alex Jung: kk
(03:58:17) Alex Jung: hahah
(03:58:17) Alex Jung: kk
(03:58:21) Alex Jung: makes sense
(03:58:22) Andrew: =) yaaaaaa.
(03:58:27) Andrew: 2 more min
(03:58:29) Andrew: lets wait it out
(03:58:33) Alex Jung: hahah kk
(03:58:38) Andrew: whewww.
(03:58:47) Andrew: i have to wake up so early..
(03:59:12) Alex Jung: lol
(03:59:14) Alex Jung: what time
(03:59:18) Andrew: 8:30
(03:59:19) Andrew: shower
(03:59:21) Andrew: then its 9
(03:59:26) Andrew: then i go run to alameda library
(03:59:28) Andrew: return a book
(03:59:31) Andrew: then catch my bus at 10
(03:59:34) Alex Jung: lol
(03:59:34) Andrew: get to berkeley at 11
(03:59:37) Andrew: go do financial aid
(03:59:41) Andrew: it’ll be 11:30 12
(03:59:45) Andrew: class at 1:30
(03:59:47) Andrew: ends at 5
(03:59:50) Andrew: then church at 7
(03:59:53) Andrew: so i have 2 hours to chill
(03:59:58) Andrew: probably sleep at Jessie’s place
(04:00:03) Andrew: then home around 11.
(04:00:05) Andrew: woo
(04:00:06) Andrew: its 4
(04:00:07) Alex Jung: lol
(04:00:10) Alex Jung: ya
(04:00:11) Andrew: and i finished my list.
(04:00:14) Andrew: dude.
(04:00:15) Alex Jung: haha
(04:00:15) Alex Jung: kk
(04:00:16) Andrew: We Rock
(04:00:18) Andrew: Now
(04:00:19) Alex Jung: lol
(04:00:20) Andrew: let’s go to sleep.
(04:00:22) Alex Jung: ya
(04:00:23) Alex Jung: sounds good
(04:00:28) Andrew: GoodNight, let the sun shine bright.
(04:00:35) Alex Jung: hahaha
(04:00:35) Alex Jung: yaya
(04:00:37) Alex Jung: goodnight
(04:02:32) Alex Jung: your back on lol
(04:02:42) Andrew: i forgot to put the convo
(04:02:49) Alex Jung: ah lol
(04:04:58) Alex Jung: well anyways im off now lol
(04:05:03) Andrew: =) GoodNight.
(04:05:05) Alex Jung: soo goodnight =)

Emiya Shirou

a superhero can only save a few.
there is nothing at the end of helping people.
it’s a false life that can save neither yourself nor others
even if this dream may be a distorted one, if i have believed in it, and if i am going to believe in it, I
even if it may be unattainable… he believed that he would reach his destination if he kept running.
sophistry.
to become a superhero. i will protect it even if it isn’t my wish, or even if it is just sophistry to soften my guilt.
even if everyone in this world disagrees with me, even if i myself curse me, I-
it isn’t a mistake, for everyone to be happy. that is an ideal everyone thinks of.
i won’t back down
sanctity of belief that brought tears to my eyes.
is it a fake if it’s not mine?
even if my wish is fake, is it wrong for my wish to come true?
No, I don’t think it’s wrong.
I dont care, even if it’s fake.
i’ll make it come true, even if it’s an impossible ideal.
it’s an impossible wish from the start. An unreachable utopia.
Then, even if I am a fake,
what’s there has to be true.

I know that i can’t save everything
i know that there’s no help without sacrifices.
I know that reality is like that because i became an adult.
I know it’s only an ideal, but i still continue to seek it.
it’s not the end after someone gets hurt.
Even if the best possible outcome has someone get hurt to save many others, i still want to pursue a resolution where nobody is hurt.
That “there is no justice in this world”, and that “people die meaninglessly in reality”, i don’t think such words are right.
and he reaches this place at the end.
Then i can keep going.
I don’t care even if it’s a fake.
First of all, i’m too simple-minded to worry about such a thing.
I make up my mind on this hill of swords.
That if i can save the world infront of me, i will fight for it.
I didn’t even need to think about it.
My world is small.
This small world is all i have ever been able to create.
That’s right.
I am the bone of my sword.
Yes, so i can endure most things.
Emiya Shirou can keep his dream until the very end.
Even if…
What i seek is nowhere.
if i’m alive, there must be a reason why.
It’s just that i don’t know why.
There’s only one thing i can do, and that is to put shape to my mind.
No, it’s already there. It’s just that I can’t see it. There was no limitation to the circuit from the start. If it was darkness, not a wall, that stopped the magical energy… Then the limit is somewhere beyond the darkness.
-for the final time…
i engrave my ideal into my mind so that i won’t forget it, and close my eyes.
There is no salvation, there is nothing to give to him, as he has already died and become a phenomenon.
an ideal where others are more important that yourself is an ideal that should never be held.
but. Did he ever not dream that such a life would be wonderful?
He is not strong, he fights risking his life, looking ugly and miserable. But… who in the world can laugh at him?
Even if his heart is a fake, the beauty of what he believed in is real
that is something he cannot lie about, and is the origin of his powers.
The boy cries out with a smashed throat, that he wants everyone to be happy.
There is no road of retreat.
He has made numerous mistakes. he has no way to atone for them except for hating and killing himself.
A straight gaze.
Mistakes and lies, shaking off everything,
running on without stopping-
But still- I was not wrong.

The path is long.
Relying on the sounds of the swords echoing far away, the boy heads for the deserted plains.

There was a determined future, and there is a future i’m walking towards.
Even if i am to someday reach the place he stood…
I’m sure a different future awaits if brilliant days like this lie ahead of me.
The sun has risen already. Even if I’m not able to change it by myself, im sure the two of us can change it bit by bit.
We have just started walking down my path.
I’ll do my best, and walk on, alongside that reliable partner of mine.

SierraLodge.

Friday Oct22.  My sister’s birthday, who I wished a happy birthday, but never did anything special for.  More on that later.

I have my movie class today, and I was driven into Sierra, CA.  Let’s begin.  First, I got to Berkeley around 1pm, and decided to drop my luggage and bags at BT.  Then I went to campus to check out Cheston’s Bake sale thing, bought a cupcake thing for breakfast, Cheston wasn’t there, so then I went and got a Zen Green Tea, HOT AS HELL, from starbucks.  CapnCrunch, they gotta make that much cooler.  (Remember, Waa wants to replace “seriously” with “cocoa puffs” and I’m going to use “CapnCrunch” in its place.)  Then I went off to my movie class.  Sat down as usual, except this time I had hot tea, and I didn’t have a notebook or any supplies to take notes.  It was fine though, we talked about sound, diegetic and non-diegetic, internal, external sound, etc.  Then we watched Copolla’s “The Conversation,” which was a very awesome, slightly disturbing movie.  It reminded me of “Enemy of the State” starring Will Smith, and the plot was along the same lines, of intelligence gathering.

Then class ended, I got a hotdog next door, the people recognize me, and say its cool if I just cut in line next time.  Off I ate and off I went to BT, 2 hours early.  On the way on UC Campus, I met this man who was showing me his photos of graffiti, and he was looking for donations to help out his art work.  I didn’t have any cash or bills smaller than $10, but I figured I didn’t need it as much as he, so I gave it away.  This was around the same time as my text “give when you can…etc.”  Then I got to BT.  Over there I was supposed to leave around 7, it was around 5, so I just chilled for a while with David Dip.  We talked, he saw the EZStretch bag my dad made me use, and it turns out he knew what it was about.  Iono what that means, or if I should let my dad know, but it’s too weird for me to think of my father’s company as something I should talk about.  We played dominoes, talked, then went off to Underhill to get picked up.

At underhill, the parking lot where the vans were mobilizing to get ready to take us to Sierra, I met a Cheryl.  She reminded me of Scarlet, Terence’s sister.  glasses, asian, a lot less nice though.  She seemed to look the other way or something.  well whatever.  I saw Wes there, waiting on the sidewalk.  Along with Dennis, Joel, Tim So, and people kept arriving.  We ate MnM’s, then we got care packages of food for our drivers, then we got in the van, and were off.
It wasn’t long until we decided to stop by for Dinner, we stopped at TOGOs, and I was out of cash.  I brought extra money, but I gave that extra money to a homeless artist of Oakland.  Jonny said he was fine with paying for me.  I can’t get over just how nice everyone seems, and how generous and kind people are in the Fellowship.  Okay, then we were actually off, to Sierra.

LOONG RIDE.  I tried my best to stay awake and talk the whole time to pass the time by quicker, and was doing really well, up until we got close, and the fog started to roll in and the rain poured down.  I jokingly said that I was hoping for snow, but everyone explained that it was just going to rain, and it was going to rain lots.  More on that later.  We ate all the snacks in the van, chips, gummy things, etc.  Then we were finally there.  We got out of the car and straight into the merciless rain, and ran toward the “Barn.”  This is where we dropped off our stuff, and this is where the Guys sleep.  We then got our things set up, and when we were ready, left for the “Lodge,” where it’s much cozier, and is where the girls sleep.

The Lodge is amazing.  See, SierraLodge was created by members of the church and the chief architect was a member as well, and the whole thing just looks amazing.  Walls of deep, soothing orange, beams reinforced with steel, warm heater, shiny hardwood floors, and bedrooms in the lodge for the girls to sleep.  Yes, the girls have actual beds.  Yes, that is slightly sexist, or rather, chivalristic.  More on THAT later.  We gathered together, and then we had Ramen and Kimchi for a midnight snack, or dinner, or whatever.  We played games, I played Jenga, and the subject of “blind -behind-the-back” jenga was formed, and I pulled it off successfully.  Dennis was amazed.  I’m not sure what it is, but Dennis is cool.  Not only that, he thinks I’m cool.  I can see it in his eyes.  Must be the bonding thing we did at DanaHouse my first visit.  Anyway, there were people playing Bang, people playing Pandemic, Taboo, as well as KingKongShower, and a whole bunch of other fun stuff.  I got to know a lot of people, none of which I can bring up to any great detail at the moment.  Then it was time to go, and the boys headed off back to the “Barn.”

When we got to the barn, the fun really started.  Foosball, Red Robin PingPong, This weird Pool-like game, and best of all, NERFGUNS.  Derringer, Mavericks, and Full-Auto Pump Rifles.  I spent most of the hour shooting bullets into the walls, and then shooting the bullets down with my superb aim.  (Okay, in reality, some idiot got the bullets stuck, and it was up to me to try, REPEATEDLY, to get it down, and they do fall down, eventually the suction vanishes, or I miraculously shoot it down.  Also, the day after, Emily told me that the girls did NOT get to play with NerfGuns, and we both decided that was a sexist oversight.  =) God isn’t quite as equal after all.)  Then around 3, we were told to call it a night.  People threw down comforters from upstairs that we were supposed to sleep on, more like mats.  We set those up on the floor of the barn.  I got out my sleeping bag, brushed my teeth, took a night shower, and slept soundlessly.  There was one snorer.  The snorers were told to sleep upstairs, but one person must not know they snore.  I slept soundlessly that night anyway.  I dreamed about something, can’t recall what, but it felt peaceful.  When I woke up, I realized something scary.  The Mat’s were better for my back than MY OWN BED at home.  It was then that I realized, I need a new bed.  Okay, that’s enough of typing for tonight, that was Day1 of SierraLodge.  Day2 will be up in a little while, I’m about to go to bed.  =) GoodNight.

Connections

soo. I hung out with Aly. She’s awesome. =) she also has a boyfriend, so that’s a weight off my shoulders right there. I’m going on a 3 day trip, see ya later. =P

it all depends on how hard i wish to work, and whether i wish to work hard. of course, and if i’m smart enough.

Edit:back from the trip. =) It was awesome. Anyway, this will be a two part post, with Night with Aly and Sierra Lodge.

First, Aly. I actually know how to spell her name now. =) Short for Alyssa, but her Chinese relatives didn’t know how to pronounce it, so she’s been known as Aly ever since. What to say about this girl. Friday Night. 6pm. I walk early to my ASL class to see if anyone’s in there. Turns out, Microbio class has a break, and right as I walk in there’s Aly. I talk to her for a while, and then she asks to herself, “hmm should I leave?” Her class ends at 6:30, which is when mine starts lol. I say “I think you should leave, so I have something to do before class.” She agrees, and we walk off into a cloudy-skied Berkeley.

First, we just keep it casual, just talking and walking, then we talk about food, and she asks if we should go get something to eat, but I ate already, so we decided to go to CVS and get her a candy bar. She pays at the pharmacy register, cause she’s knows the people, cause she’s a Pharmacist there. Okay, just typing out pharmacist made me open a new tab and look up everything on pre-pharm and even pre-law majors. Anyway, to go on.

We walk and talk, and before I know it, we’re on Blake street walking to her place. Yes, I skipped class to hang out with Aly, and it was a great decision. On the way, she asked me about the secrets I mentioned. I suppose they aren’t secrets as in deep, dark, embarrassing secrets, but more as if they are tell-not-a-soul-to-hide-who-you-are secrets. First thing that came to mind, was Alexa. I’m not sure why I keep going to this, but it’s such a ridiculous story of mine. I go through the motions, I explained how I was just trying to be nice, and then I said I’d go out with her, etc, you’ve heard the story. Then I used the word. “I’m a fixer.” “So am I.” she replied. Then she told me parts of her own stories, none of which I will reveal here of course. =) Anyway, this girl seems to fit me in every which way, that is to say, almost as if we were destined to meet, to correct each other’s own mistakes so they don’t repeat.

We sort of got lost, but we wound up on Telegraph eventually. Then, right when we go into the front door of her apt complex, she asks me, “you know I have a boyfriend right?” At this moment, I could feel my heart drop. Not because at that moment I liked her and have that thought removed from me. It’s because it felt like something I overlooked and as if a connection that had threads were binding together, but the middle where love might have formed was hollowed out. Of course, I’m the stoic soldier, I kept my straight face, and played it cool. “No, I didn’t. =) Is it still cool if I come over then?” She of course said it was fine. I walked in. Let’s describe the place a bit. One TV that doesn’t work, two beds, two computer desks, one kitchen, one bathroom, a corner for Guinea Pigs, and some chairs. She lives with two other people, her boyfriend, and some random dude. Anyway, I just walked to the pets. Named Hamlet and Othello. Oh, forgot to say, she’s an English major, with pre-pharma classes. Her words were that she wants to teach, but she wants to be financially stable as well.

Okay, so we sat on those chairs, and started to talk. She asked me, “Why did you want to be friends with me?” How do I answer a question like that? I said, “I don’t know, I guess it starts with how we first met. You remember? We were getting our Student ID’s and you didn’t know what you needed, I told you to get a copy of your schedule, but it turns out you didn’t need it.” I thought I’d never see her again. “but then we ran into each other again, this time outside your microbio lab, then outside your econ class, which is at Mofitt right near my Math class on Monday nights.” I mean, I ran into her on a separate floor walking to the bathroom of all places. “I just kept running into you in all these odd places, AND you told me I met your boss on a bus randomly.” “I don’t really know, but I just thought, maybe I should get to know this girl.” She smiled, and said that the first thing she noticed about me, was that I was asian. =D ahahah. So BCC has a lot of.., in unison, “black people.” Then she got more blatant about it, saying “The me from 4 years ago would definitely be into you.” What else could I do? I slowly spread a wide grin across my face and looked down.

There’s the answer that’s been bugging me all this time. She does like me after all. I wasn’t imagining things. Though, she doesn’t say it outright, mainly because she has a boyfriend. Then we get into some other stuff, and she tells me she’s Taishan. I tell her I’m Taishan..and right about here i’m speechless, cause with all the connections I already have with her, this one is bound to seem too dubious to exist. I tell her that my grandmother spoke it, and I learned from her. Then I told her I had no idea it was an actual place, I just thought it was a dialect or language. She insisted, and wikied Taishanese. We learned lots. Then she decided to go on Facebook, and search and add me. Then she asked me to tell her more stories. I told her about my stories of love, starting with Jessica, then Audrey, Then Alexa, and I even told her about Ariel. She made me facebook those 4 so that she could have visual representations. Then I told her I barely use facebook, which, now that I think about it, isn’t true. I’m just a complete ninja and don’t respond or talk to anyone, but I seem to look at my newsfeed a few times a day. Ease of checking it, I guess. Then she told me to switch seats with her, and she used her laptop to take my picture. Yes, that is the picture that is on my default right now. Anyway, complicated stuff aside, we decide to go play some WiiMarioKart. She pwned me, completely. she’s amazing at that game, no lie. Then we decided to go make crepes. Yes, I can now say I’ve made crepes. Honestly though, all I did was crack a few eggs, stirred, added sugar, and then poured the batter into a pan, and tilted the pan so that it would be even. Mine weren’t that even, but they were fine anyway. She did the rest, and we made about 7 crepes. Then she put nutella, strawberries, bananas, cinnamon, and some whipped cream on my crepe, and I ate it. It was delicious.

Edit: i’ll just put this convosplice up here for now.

Alex Jung.
hahahahahahaha
2:58 AM you still writing>
2:58 AM ?
2:58 AM your story
2:58 AM ?
2:59 AM Androol
uhh, i’ve taken a break. should i finish it? i kinda wanna sleep
2:59 AM actually, it’s pretty short what happens next
2:59 AM Alex Jung.
hahahaha
2:59 AM so what have you been doing these last 30 mins?
2:59 AM Androol
after crepe, we watched Greys Anatomy.
2:59 AM oh
2:59 AM just typing to you. lol
2:59 AM Alex Jung.
ah lol
2:59 AM icic
2:59 AM hahhaa
2:59 AM so thats it
2:59 AM greys anatomy
2:59 AM Androol
hahaha
2:59 AM Alex Jung.
nothing else?
2:59 AM Androol
OH
3:00 AM she says i remind her of Karev.
3:00 AM the messed up guy who always ends up with messed up girls.
3:00 AM Alex Jung.
LOl
3:00 AM is that a good thing?
3:00 AM Androol
then she said, I’m attractive and look better with glasses on.
3:00 AM i’m doing this way out of order
3:00 AM but whatever.
3:00 AM then pin came home
3:00 AM i talked to him too
3:01 AM he is pre-med as well
3:01 AM or something
3:01 AM he was doing math hw
3:01 AM He plays SC
3:01 AM just got it that day
3:01 AM beat the campaign on another’s acc
3:01 AM and he was playing
3:01 AM he was kinda ignoring Aly, which bugged me, but if he was gaming, it’s understandable.
3:02 AM Alex Jung.
ah icic
3:02 AM Androol
WOAH
3:02 AM i totally skipped that whole section
3:02 AM
Moving out was a good decision on her part, needed to get away from the craziness. No older brother. Wished she had an older brother, so that he could bring over his hot guy friends. Is Taishan. Hates the name Pin. Has a boyfriend named Pin. Baked at home.
3:04 AM Alex Jung.
lol
3:04 AM icic
3:04 AM hmmm
3:04 AM why she goign out with him
3:04 AM ?
3:05 AM Androol
=) for his personality.
3:05 AM which i havent quite known yet.
3:05 AM honestly, i have a hunch that she’s with him because he was the best at the time.
3:05 AM and it seems to me, that i’ve filled the role of the best that can’t be had.
3:05 AM Alex Jung.
hahhaa
3:05 AM ya
3:05 AM i was thinking that
3:06 AM well just talk to her more
3:06 AM i relaly think you should ask her to hang out with you
3:06 AM Androol
=) I will
3:06 AM but again, she’s taken, if i push too hard, i’d be stealing.
3:06 AM it’s gotta be willing.
3:06 AM Alex Jung.
hahahha
3:06 AM but
3:07 AM you can’t trully get to know someone if you are afraid to just even hang out with that person
3:07 AM its not stealing
3:07 AM friends hang out with friends
3:07 AM who have bfs
3:07 AM or gfs
3:07 AM its normal
3:08 AM Androol
mm, i know. but I’ll need to tread carefully, for my own sake.
3:08 AM can’t get Too attached.
3:09 AM Alex Jung.
ah lol
3:09 AM true
3:09 AM but
3:09 AM if you know there is some interest
3:09 AM with her in you
3:09 AM then you can be a little bit attached
3:09 AM i mean she can still be like a great friend if anything
3:10 AM Androol
absolutely. =)

 

You know what I’ve noticed?  Lately all my posts have been about love.  Not quite sure why, but I haven’t spoken of truly philosophical things in a while.  I have a hunch about why this is, but regardless, this blog is starting to look like a diary of a girl who is obsessed with love.  Though honestly, the reason I think I mention love so often, is that for some reason, such things pertaining to love are also interrelated with destiny and coincidences.  So I suppose it’s not me being more obsessed with love, but more for love being more obvious in it’s coincidences.

Anyway, Aly is the girl who fits me in a way that I can’t quite describe.

  • She’s the modest genius, (currently has the best grade on her micro-bio class)
  • She can cook crepes, as well as other things.
  • She’s was an English major.
  • She is a fixer, which means she is the type that helps others.
  • She is shy, but can pull off the extrovert, she is the extrovert, but can pull of being shy.
  • She’s pretty, Michelle thinks she looks like a rabbit, and though I kinda see it cause of her teeth, my teeth are awkward in that sense as well, and I honestly didn’t take beauty into account until it was pointed out.
  • She had a strained relationship with her parents that has gotten better since she’s moved out.
  • She hates the name Pin.
  • She has a boyfriend named Pin.
  • She likes Grey’s Anatomy and How I Met Your Mother, as well as others.
  • She is a gamer girl, and kicks ass at it.
  • She has two pet guinea pigs named Hamlet and Othello.
  • She wants to be an English teacher.
  • She’s about to go become a Pharmacist first, so that she is financially secure before pursuing her dreams.
  • She’s funny.
  • She’s was floored when she realized we were both Taisan.
  • She has something about her that I can’t quite figure out.
  • She has class in the room next to mine on Mondays.
  • She has class in the same room right before my class on Thurs.
  • I’ve been running into her everywhere.
  • I ran into someone who I didn’t know was her Boss, Tim, on the bus one night.
  • I ran into Tim Tonight (10-27-10)
  • She’s been to all the church fellowships during her time as a student.

I don’t know.  I don’t like her, because I don’t know enough about her to like.  From what I do, I suppose I could, but again, she is taken.  No matter how coincidental, no matter how fated it may seem, there is no way I am about to break up a relationship where both parties are happy.  Though honestly, Pin doesn’t seem all that special, he seems almost as if he was the best guy at the time, because she’s been in bad boyfriend relationships before.  That does not mean that if me and her got together it’d be guaranteed to be amazing though, I think i’m just a bit too crazy at the moment to function properly in a proper relationship.  Does that mean that in the future things could change?   Who knows.  All I know is this girl is an interesting addition to my life, and I’ll see what I can do to get to the things I want, the things which are simple in nature, and difficult in capture.  The Seven.  Anyway, that’s enough for today.  =)

 

Sushi

just for future reference.

 

I’m close friends with Cuong and I’ve had a chance to taste some of your excellent food.
I do not have any experience, but i’m a quick learner and I would like to work as a Busser.
I am able to work Lunch hours on Sat – Thurs andDinner hours Friday – Sunday.
I have a car and will be driving myself to Dublin.
I can start in November.

new and old.

alie – i go to class but sometimes i leave early cuz its boring
me – where are you?
alie – went home. i was on the 1 bus.
me – you’re at home and now i’m bored. =) what class did you have?
alie – microbio. left on time @ 20 after.
me – =) didn’t i text you a couple days ago? You respond at odd times.
alie – so lol
me – iono you’re funny that way
alie – waat im funny… ur funny. :p
me – =) okay we’re both funny. Back home now. Ate lots of food. Getting sleepy, haha.
alie – Haha what did u eat 4 dinner
me – Sweetheart. Curly Fries, green tea, and my dad bought mongolian beef, and when i came home, my sister had fishcake noodles. Yeah, i’m done for.
alie – Haha makes me miss my family
me – I’m sure they miss you too. you should go visit them for the holidays. I think i can finally move out soon.
alie – Haha where would u move and why move out
me – probably somewhere in berkeley, a friend starts in the spring and wants me to room with him. It’s a long story about why, i’ll tell you another time. =)
alie – K
me – =) i’m filling out my first job application and i don’t know what to put lol
alie – Wow. lol where r u applying? and omg first 1 ur so spoiled.
me – =) i’m really not, but i have simple tastes and am content with less. Amakara, a sushi place in dublin where my friend works.
alie – sweet. anyway how r u going to move out of ur parents house? or y? im still curious
me – =) how, hopefully when financial aid money arrives, why, it’s very complicated. I guess it’s like i’ve earned their respect recently.
alie – Ic. interesting response
me – =) sorry for being vague, but i have way too many secrets. i’ll be sure to bore you with the details some time, if you want. Brb i’m gonna go shower.
alie – K. ur 2 young 2 have so many secrets. gnite
me – =) well that explains why i feel so weary from feeling old, and if i spill my secrets, i’ll feel young again. =P

alie is this girl. she’s 22. English oriented. I think i told you. anyway, she’s been driving me crazy, either she’s just curious and i’m reading into it too much, or she likes me, and I can’t be clear about my own thoughts. oh well. i’m going to sleep. Night.
-Jon, i was gonna call you, but i figured you’re sleeping. lol.