To converse with a friend.

actually my friend kind of hates me cause she thinks i only care about myself and that I don’t appreciate her, but I actually do, I just don’t really know how to give advice like her or help her in the way she’s so good at helping me.

Actually, I don;t know if it’s the same situation, but for me, this has come up with my friends too. They think I am sort of selfish too. I don’t kno wif you know this, but I have this deep fear about showing up others. I conciously look out for situations that might make me seem like I think i’m better than everyone else, and avoid those things. I lie, and make myself seem less interesting than I really am. and it worked for a little while, it’s how I earned the title of NiceGuy. As a result of this, I’ve adopted a detached mindset, as if i’m open to everything, because i choose not to get completely involved in anything. This isn’t how most people are, they want friends who are absolutely there and actively giving advice and opinions, but, if you’re like me, you’ve decided to be so nice, that you make your opinion too unimportant to say, as if you believe the words your friends want you to utter would make you seem too wise or too arrogant to be someone giving advice. So, throughout my life, i’ve lied, and i’ve kept people at a distance so that I may ne able to be objective, but because I am less involved, people are under the impression that I do not care, when in actuality, you and I care so much, that the lie we make true, that we are not important, our advice and words are not important, our friendship is not worth sustaining, becvause my worth doesn’t deserve the ones of my friends, the lie becomes true, and we suffer the pain from beliting ourselves. So, you have two choices, both are the right choice, because both is in an effort to be the best friend you can be. Either lie and make yourself less important, less arrogant, therefore your words are less important, no opinion for advice when your friends ask for it, objective and detached all the way, or you can just go with it, accept your inner passion, regardless of how arrogant you may seem, regardless of how amazing you will be, regardless of wondering if people will feel bad if you become this, regardless of what other people think. There is no wrong answer, and I can’t make this decision for you. Either be less shy, less detached, more responsible for your own words, actions, ideas, passion, or remain detached, and hope there arepeople with your mindset, who themselves think of themselves as less need to impress, and therefore easier for you to interact with, no needs, no clinging desperation, just curiosity about the person who is okay with lying to the world.

I’m an idiot. If I keep saying that there are all these similarities, all these connections, then why did I always assume she wasn’t miserable? Cause she’s pretty, and I thought that mattered.


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