Woke up this morning. Found out AT&T gave me a data plan I didn’t ask for because I switched my sim into the Google Nexus One. I was pissed that I couldn’t use the nexus one and also pissed that I also bought another one that is on the way that is also just as useless to me. Anger permeated my soul that morning, but I found the willpower to let it go. I accepted the powerlessness it brought me, my lack of control in my phone as Uncle Mike controls it, my lack in control of the data plan, no unlimited data plan, tiered only, my lack of power in money, my lack of power in politics, in an ability to change the world the way I want to, my lack in all areas. It all hit me, and I felt the sadness again. The complacency baffles me, but then I realize even suckier things.
The reason we won’t have revolution in America, is because the American Gov’t won’t retalliate. They won’t shoot the citizens in the streets, they won’t spark outrage. They will simply ignore our calls of change, and no one will lift a finger in support, because they have gotten used to how things are. They believe this is the best there is, that there can always be worse, just look at japan right now, look at lybia, if America wants to take away my collective bargaining rights, let them, at least I have my life. This type of appeasement is just what the Gov’t wants, and it’s working. They’re shoving bill after bill of crap that will make our lives worse, and the inherent goodness of humanity does not wish to complain, because they believe their complaints pale in comparision to the plight of others. They are correct, such things do not demand the revolution that years of dictatorship and opression would, but nonetheless they should be heard. How to fix this Guilt of the Good in America, this terrible quirk that hurts the world? America is supposed to be the symbol of democracy, of revolution, of change, how can it be so if it caves in to the demands of the corporations? That is the irony, the guilt of the good people feel because they do not want to treat their cause as more important than those of others that leads people to appease big business and let them get away with their crimes actually diminishes the ability people have in changing their lives. The symbol of freedom is chained through the American guilt which does not wish to chain other global issues from being viewed which consequently is lowers the power the symbol of america holds, which leads to other countries to having even less of a say, as they believe the most free of countries can make do with that level of freedom, so can mine. What idiocy and genius such contorted ideas hold. How do we change the world?
I wrote this in my notepad on my Netbook, I’ve been doing this alot recently. There’s many such posts that I didn’t put up on here, both because of the ease and accessibility compared to online and because there isn’t much philosophical stuff, only journal entries and the like. This bit however I felt relevant enough to post, because I really wish to find a solution to this issue. This Guilt if the Good that has permeated even without people realizing it. I know it has in me, at least. I read on reddit this guy saying he “feels bad for japan, but feels people should know about bahrain as well.” Who are we to decide what is more important to focus our attentions on? The world needs different thoughts to bring about great change within the world.
I go to Berkeley, go to History. There is a girl in that class that looks at me like she likes me, not for anything other than my charismatic charm. She sat behind me, and I was very modest in my approach, I was also very quiet, stoic, and said very little. It suited me, this intentional inattention. Then Anthro, useless, didn’t learn, just wasted time writing and contemplating. Then Stats. I walked downstairs. Got a sandwich. Went back into BCC.
I was contemplating whether or not to go to class. Then Tucker convinced me to go. Then I went to class, and was contemplating whether or not to leave early. I did. I called for my dad to give me a ride, he was busy, so I decided to walk up to the different floors to look for a place to sit. I found the 4th floor, and it reminded me of how I waited for Meredith that one day. I took a certain amount of time, called Uncle Mike to tell him about the data plan crap, he was cool with it, I was needlessly worried.
Filled with a newfound vigor, I decide to take bart home. I go downstairs. I go outside. It is raining. As I am outside, I see the grey pillar that Meredith mentioned. It did not have “I was here” on it. I got an idea. Maybe I should go write it back, just as a fun thing, and maybe Meredith might also see it. I head back inside to the basement floor, go into an empty classroom, and find an expos marker. I take it, walk back into the basement circle. I see Russell. We talk. I did not tell him what I was doing with the marker, he’s about to take a Buddhist Philosophy test. We talk some more. Meredith Paige walks by, she looks at me, I look at her, and she walks on by. I tell Russell about Ms. Paige, for nothing else but to talk. It felt good getting it off my chest. I talk to Russell some more. Meredith walks by. Waves hi, walks with a pause and a smile, I smile back, she goes to class. I tell Russell about Meredith a bit, about how I planned to write on the grey pillar. He laughs, but there’s something about this guy that I like, i’m not quite sure what. Perhaps it’s our mutual respect for each other. Anyway, I had the marker over to Russell, and I walk off into the night and rain. As I am walking towards bart, I see a pillar, Grey, with the marking “I was ___” It must’ve washed off, either through the rain or otherwise. I touched the words, smiled, and went off to Bart. As I got to Bart, I saw two people say hello to me. Again, I did not remember them, but they remembered me, from Stats class. Their names, Rupek and Uma. El Cerrito, waiting for Richmond bart. Originally from texas. I get on bart. I get off Bart. I give some money to the homeless. I wait for the bus in the rain. I miss the bus in the rain. I wait with people. I meet someone going to alameda, with a son who goes to Wood school, who is originally from New Mexico. We talk about how great California is, even with the rainy weather at the moment. Now i’m home. I’ve written my two Reflections, turns out I didn’t have to turn in Lesson Plan and Lesson Analysis after all yet. I’m glad I didn’t stress TOO much about this day, as this day turned out to be kinda great. Perhaps that’s a lesson to learn, that Everything works out, so there’s no need to bring yourself needless stress. Believe this, Coalesce this into your essence. It saves so much trouble in life.