Let your hair down

Hello, so this post will be dedicated to settling once and for all the sentiment that other people have towards my voice and my style of speech.  There are many ways of framing it, but it’ll take some precision to pin it down exactly.  Here is some of what I’ve heard.

It took me a long time before I got used to your voice – Joe Hwang

You speak slowly – Irene Hwang

I always thought that when you speak, you speak with authority – Steven Hong

You’re really good at helping people see their own sinfulness – Daniel Taipei

The way you speak during car rides gets me a little irritated – Alex Kong

You speak like you want to sound a certain way – Alex Kong

You give off the feel of a professor – Johnny Yang

You speak like you’re guarded and unwilling to be vulnerable – Joseph Wan

You have a way of saying things that makes everyting sound grand – Jackson Huynh

You speak like you can’t let your hair down around us and it comes across in your speech as arrogant, as if you think you’re above it all. – John Ko

Okay.  So I have some data.  Some of it is more relevant than others, i’m sure.  Well then, time to do some research.  I wish I still had my Concierge to keep me sane.  Ah well.  Wish me luck.

It’s the cool story bro mentality, or the “this is how much I care” mentality.
I can handle it, but other people can’t, and putting up that veneer of strength makes them wonder if they’re weak.  It is disparaging to them, and it makes it seem like i’m better than them.
Not bothered, not shaken up, not troubled, excited, or affected, as if you are above it all.
Spiritually speaking, if I understand that all of it is in God’s hands, cool, soverignty, why wouldn’t I say it was expected or easily accepted?
Or if everyone is a sinner, why would I be shocked, or hurt, when someone tells me they need to say sorry for hurtful things they’ve said or done?
For family, if you expect them to yell, why would you be bothered by what they say?  Or rather, in order to handle them, you had to endure alot of what was said, so much so that now you are desensetized to the hurt others might cause, unaffected by outside circumstances.  Your inner-self is untouchable, and you are above the hurt.
Speaking slow, as if I am sure of what I am deliberately stating.
To know what needs to be done, to know people, see insights, and to be sure about those insights.
Assumptoin that whatever I say can be wrong, and already understand it can be taken the wrong way.
The rightness of what I say makes it seem as if I think it’s more right than it is.
I always thought that it should be inspiring, and not challenging, and eventually people will come to see it my way.  Biblical manhood, shaming, the wrongness of that.
John Ching thinking about 100% telecommuting, and going to a church plant.  You should be excited!  Why are you so calm?
Your wife is going to hate that about you.
You’re too calm.  You shouldn’t be like that.  Proper response dictates emotional expressions.  Inwardly you may be incredibly torn and filled with toil, but if you do not manifest it outwardly, it can seem unloving and cold.
There is power in not showing your heart on your sleeve.  I want to keep that power, to keep things close to the vest, keep things to myself.
“You know what it is?”
“Exactly”
“It’s cause..”
“makes the most sense”
“So I always think of it this way:”
Figured it out
I’m not supposed to have figured it all out, it’s not all supposed to make sense, so i’m not supposed to remain so calm.  It would be arrogant to assume so, for someone my age, and for someone with my kind of speech.  I mean, I have thought alot about it, arguably more than the average person, and arguably it is because I had to mature earlier, and see more of the world, so it makes sense that I would have a older emotional age.
We may not realize it yet, but it’s always worth it.
By default I am cold, when the time calls for it, I express myself, in course, with my family, etc.
You shouldn’t go by what is harder and choose that, you should go by what is most benefical to your Christian walk.
Is it harder to submit to structure, or harder to operate without structures in place?  I don’t know, but which is more benefical for growth?  If fall you care is about is doing the harder thing, then you might not grow.
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